The main musical being spoofed is High School Musical. Tell me, is it any better than Seltzerberg's movies? It's probably not the greatest script you've ever read though. Here's the script:
Teen Sing
by
Kraig Carter
FADE IN:
INT. -SNOWGLOBE-NIGHT
In the snowglobe, there is a house covered with fake snow. Outside the miniature house is a miniature kid making a snow angel. The name of the distrubitors of the film pops up and pops out followed by the name of the production company producing the film. This is followed by the name of the director of the film followed by the title of the movie in big white letters. After that pops out, someone off-screen shakes the snowglobe. The camera pans back to reveal...
INT. -NEW YEARS EVE PARTY-NIGHT
The room is dimly lit. A kid is holding the snowglobe. He puts it down and joins the partygoers near him. The party is crowded with many happy-go-lucky partygoers who are wearing party hats and glasses with the year the movie is being released on it. Everyone is obviously having a good time. A subtitle that says "New Years Eve" pops up and pops out. A woman with a martini glass in her hand, Alanna McPrettyboytoy, emerges from the crowd with a muscular, hunky gigolo holding her hand. She has a martini glass in her hand. They walk to a door. Alanna opens the door but she doesn't like what she sees. She gulps down on the martini. She throws the martini behind her. It hits the floor and breaks into a million pieces in slow motion.
INT. -THE MCPRETTYBOYTOY'S HOTEL ROOM-NIGHT
A kickball game is going on inside the room with people sitting on benches watching the game and screaming(Jack Nicholson is sitting on the lowest bench in the middle) while the main character, Drake McPrettyboytoy, a personality-less pretty boy who does nothing but play kickball all day, and his father, Jack McPrettyboytoy, who's equally as obsessed about kickball as him, are playing the game with two opposing teams each made up of 4 players. In the room, there is a a softball diamond. Under the softball diamond is the first team, the one Drake and Jack are on, who are wearing green uniforms while the second team are wearing red uniforms. The second team are in the outfield. Three of them are standing under bases while the fourth one is the pitcher facing Jack and Drake's team holding a ball. Drake is up at bat. The pitcher rolls the ball towards Jack. Drake hits the ball causing the ball to fly up. Drake starts running around the bases. The ball comes toward the 2nd outfielder who opens his arms for it causing Drake to get really worried but the ball ends up hitting the player. This causes the 3rd outfielder to come running toward the ball. Drake, determined not to lose, shoots the 3rd outfielder with lazer eyes and goes to 2nd place.
INT. -NEW YEARS EVE PARTY-NIGHT
Alanna is annoyed that Drake and Jack are playing kickball instead of enjoying the party. Apparently, they've played kickball all vacation because that is all they are interested in. She rolls her eyes.
ALANNA MCPRETTYBOYTOY
You know, Jack, not many jocks and their fathers are as obsessed with kickball as you two are!
INT. -THE MCPRETTYBOYTOY'S HOTEL ROOM-NIGHT
Drake and Jack are still playing the game of kickball. Drake is now standing at 2nd base. Jack is still under the diamond. He looks at Drake.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Son, please explain to your mother why we have to focus on Kickball 100% of the time even if it is lowering your grades a little bit.
Drake looks at Alanna.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Yeah, well,---.
The kickball hits him in the head and he falls down. He gets up in pain. He's holding his head where the ball hit him.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (CONT’D)
Son of a bitch.
He gets hit in the head again with the kickdball and falls down. He gets up and looks at the referee.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (CONT’D)
Yo Ref, we need a time out.
Drake gets hit in the head again with the kickball and falls down. The referee blows on his whistle and the game stops with annoyed fans and players groaning. Drake gets up and starts getting out of the room followed by his father, Jack.
INT. -NEW YEARS EVE PARTY-NIGHT
Drake and Jack walk out of the room and walk to Alanna.
DRAKE MCPRETTBOYTOY
What was I about to say?
Alanna is about to talk but the gigolo steps in rudely while she's talking and says what he is about to say.
GIGOLO
You were about to say, "Yeah, well, not many jocks play kickball with their fathers constantly".
ALANNA MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Look, Drake, I know you like to play kickball with your father constantly 24 hours a day but you need a break once in a while: aren't you tired?
Drake is standing like a celebrity in a commercial looking at the screen.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Hi, I'm Drake Mcprettyboytoy from The Gene Kelly High crazy tigers high school kickball team. Now, as you may or may not know, I constantly play kickball which gets people asking, "Hey Drake, don't you ever get tired of playing kickball after a while?
FLASHBACK:
INT. -THE MCPRETTYBOYTOY'S HOTEL ROOM-NIGHT
Reused footage from the movie from a few minutes ago when Drake kicked the kickball in the air.
INT. -NEW YEARS EVE PARTY-NIGHT
Drake is still looking at the screen.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Well, to answer that question:No, I never get tired. So now you're probably asking, how do you keep yourself in the game? Well, I'm about to tell you!
He takes out a can of a fake soda called "Dolceslam Soda" which is blue and has lighting bolts on the right and left side of the can. The words on the can which is the name of the soda are in a large green font.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
When I'm about to get up and go play, I drink Dolceslam Soda to get me into the game.
CLOSE ON: Drake's face. He is now drinking the can of Dolceslam Soda but you can see he doesn't think it tastes very good. He takes the bottle away from his mouth and spits it out because he doesn't like how it tastes. NORMAL SHOT: Drake is looking at the screen again with his thumbs up but he doesn't look very happy, giving a forced smile, because he can't believe he's advertising for a product he doesn't like. The words "It's Sodalicious" jump onto the screen.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(FORCED)
Dolceslam Soda...it's Sodalicious.
Alanna can't believe he drinks Dolceslam soda constantly to help play kickball all the time.
ALANNA MCPRETTBOYTOY
You really drink Dolceslam soda all the time?
Drake looks at his mother.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
No, I just needed the money.
Alanna sighs. She looks at Jack.
ALANNA MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Look, let's just get back on topic, shall we? Jack, were on vacation: can't we just do something different for once?
Jack sighs.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Fine.
Alanna looks at Drake. She goes to Drake and tries to straighten his hair out a little bit.
ALANNA MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Drake, how about you go down to the kids party? Mommy hired a gigolo to make her feel better because daddy's not giving her pleasure.
Drake sighs and rolls his eyes.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Fine: but I don't really want to go to a kid's party...I'm way too mature for that!
INT. -KIDS PARTY-NIGHT
The New Years eve party is crowded with many happy-go-lucky partygoers who are wearing party hats and glasses with the year the movie is being released on it. Everyone is obviously having a good time. There's a stage in the back of the room with a karoake machine standing on it. The room is dimly lit. There is purple lights on. Domonique Lopenzia, the smart, pretty, perfect love interest, is sitting on the couch at the party reading a book called "How to be a bigger brainy person while trying to cover up your perfectness poorly by Lisa Simpson". There is a desk near the couch. Her mother, Lainie Lopenzia, walks to her and sits down with her.
LAINIE LOPENIZIA
Domonique, have some fun for once: you're glued to that book.
Domonique puts her arms down while still holding the book because she glued her hands to the book. She closes the book without her hands letting go of the book.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Oh, come on, mom, let me just finish this chapter...please.
LAINIE LOPENZIA
Now, come on, Domonique, go out and have some fun: you’re always studying or working and it’s a little annoying.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Oh, come on, Mom, can’t I just finish this chapter?
LAINIE LOPENZIA
Now, come on, Domonique, it’s almost(year this movie is being released)and you haven’t had fun once this whole year. Now, go on, have some fun before the clock strikes 12. Besides, you can finish the book on the plane.
Domonique sighs. She decides to put the book down and closes it without letting go of it. She looks at her mother and smiles.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Okay, I’ll go out and have some fun.
LAINIE LOPENZIA That's my girl.
She takes out a can of oxiclean and sprays it on both of Domonique's hands. The book gets unstuck from her hands and Domonique let’s go of it. She closes the book and puts it on the desk. Domonique and her mother leave.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(V.O.)
I hope nothing bad happens to my book.
A drunk guy stumbles in and barfs all over the book.
The master of ceremonies walks onto the stage with the karoake machine holding a microphone. He starts talking.
MASTER OF CEREMONIES
Excuse me, can I have your attention, please?
No one's paying attention to him. They are all just giggling and dancing and having a fun time.
MASTER OF CEREMONIES
Could you all stop giggling and dancing and look at me just for one second?
No one's still paying attention to him. They are still giggling and dancing and having a fun time.
MASTER OF CEREMONIES
Hey, does anyone want to volunteer to sing a song?
No one's still paying attention to him. This aggravates the master of ceremonies and causes him to get mad.
MASTER OF CEREMONIES (CONT’D)
Fine! That's it! If no one is going to volunteer to sing, I'll do it my way! I'll force someone to sing!
Headlight's start moving all around the room. Everyone stops and looks at the headlights. The party host starts talking like he is hosting "The Price is Right".
MASTER OF CEREMONIES (CONT'D)
Hello and welcome to Karoake time: now it's time to sing some popular songs that everybody loves rather badly! Our first contestant is the popular jock at his high school, has no personality, and if he's not playing Kickball with his father then he's playing Kickball with his friends!
Drake McPrettyboytoy is sitting on a stool at the bar in the kid's party while a bunch of other teenagers are sitting on a stool at the kids party. There are two stools next to him with drunken 8-years old sitting there looking like drunken adults. The bartender is 5 years old but is acting like a stereotypical bartender wiping a beer glass with a rag. The headlights go on Drake.
MASTER OF CEREMONIES(TALKING LIKE HE IS HOSTING A GAME SHOW)(V.O.) (CONT’D)
Drake McPrettyboytoy, come on down!
Everyone claps for him but Drake is nervous to get on stage and wants to get out of it.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
No, I can't do it, I can't sing, I'm a jock! At our high school, jocks don't sing unless it's a musical number!
The drunk 8-year old on the right of him pats him on the back. Drake nervously gets up and walks onto the stage.
MASTER OF CEREMONIES(TALKING LIKE HE IS HOSTING A GAME SHOW)
Our next contestant's parents illegally immigrated here from Mexico: she is the smartest girl in school, getting straight A's in subjects like Math and Science, not to mention she's on her schools Decathalon team,---.
Domonique is in the audience looking embarresed. The headlight goes on her and she shrieks.
MASTER OF CEREMONIES(TALKING LIKE HE IS HOSTING A GAME SHOW)(V.O.)(CONT’D)
Domonique Lopenzia, come on down!
Everyone claps but she is nervous to get up.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
You weren't supposed to know that stuff! I'm trying to hide my past as being the school's brain!
OFF-SCREEN VOICE
Shut up and get on stage!
Domonique nervously gets on that stage and stands next to Drake who is still very nervous about performing on stage. The party host gives microphones to Drake and Lopenzia.
MASTER OF CEREMONIES
So, Drake and Domonique, what song do you want to Sing?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Well, you see, we don't really want to be---.
MASTER OF CEREMONIES
I got it: let's sing a song that the writers wrote for the movie seeing as they couldn't get the rights to a popular song.
Everyone claps their hands. He looks at Drake and Domonique.
MASTER OF CEREMONIES
Someday you'll thank me for this.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
I don't know...
MASTER OF CEREMONIES
Trust me, you will.
He leaves. On the karoake machine screen, the song written for the movie, "What's better than singing about love" pops up. The words for the song are the words that Drake and Domonique sing for the movie.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
The audience start clapping at the beat with the song. Drake and Domonique start to get less nervous and start to have fun and get with the song. They start dancing around the stage. A guy in the audience claps and laughs like he's retarded. Drake and Domonique are dancing around the stage and having fun while singing the song.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
They look at each other lovingly.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
Domonique suddenly has a chart that records how broadway audiences are interested in love with the line going up. She points a ruler to the chart.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
They look at each other and the ruler and chart are suddenly gone. They are suddenly having more fun with the song and dancing and looking at each other lovingly.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING) (CONT’D)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
Everything slows down. They start walking towards each other and looking at each other
lovingly.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings “What’s Better than Singing about Love”)
The song ends. The audience claps. Drake and Domonique face the audience very happy that they ended up singing on the stage because they had fun. They bow to the audience. They look at each other.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Wow, you're a pretty good singer!
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
You're not so bad yourself!
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
So have you ever sung before?
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
No, actually, I'm just realizing I'm a good singer now: I used to think my only talents were math and science.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Me too...except replace Math and Science with Kickball and Kickball.
CUT TO:
Drake is suddenly in love with Domonique. A red glow is around the screen while cliche romantic music plays in the background.
CUT TO:
The red glow stays on the screen while the cliche romantic music continues to play in the background but now Domonique is in the shot. She is also in love with Drake.
CUT TO:
Both of them are on the screen together. The red glow and love music are gone though. They smile and look at each other lovingly.
CUT TO:
Domoniques face. She smiles.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
You know, I think I'm falling in love with you.
CUT TO:
Drake smiles. He's more interested in Domonique and is starting to get a little crush on her.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Me too...except with you.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Wanna go outside and hold hands?
Drake smiles suggestively.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Actually, I've got a better idea...
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Fuck?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
No, more romantic...
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Kiss outside as we wait for the clock to strike twelve?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
No, more romantic than that...
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
What is it?
He takes out his cell phone which is a black samsung cingular cell phone.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Take pictures of each other on our cell phone.
Domonique is sad it wasn't as romantic as she thought. She rolls her eyes and looks down. Drake opens up his cell phone and presses the camera icon on his cell phone. Her face, still in that position, is on his camera.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Say cheese!
He takes the picture of her on his camera. He turns his camera off and puts it back in his pocket.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Okay, can you take a picture of me now?
Domonique looks at him. She takes out her cell phone and presses the camera icon. His face is on her camera.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Say cheese.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Cheese.
She takes a picture of him on her cell phone.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (CONT’D)
Okay, now can I have your phone number?
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Sure, thing, it's---.
As she's about to tell him her number, she sees her mother walking towards her and points to something.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA (CONT’D)
Hey, look over there!
Drake looks at the direction she was pointing to but can't see anything.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Where?
He continues to look for something but can't find it. Lainie walks over to Domonique.
LAINIE LOPENZIA
Domonique, we have to go now!
As they talk, in the background Drake uses binoculars to try to see if the thing Domonique was pointing at is far away to see. However, he can't see it so he puts the binoculars away and takes out a video camera. He flips open the screen for the video camera where you can see the shot and turns on the camera. He points the camera to where Domonique was pointing and uses the zoom button to zoom in on the action to see if he can find the 'thing'.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Can't we stay for a little while? I just met the greatest guy!
LAINIE LOPENZIA
Domonique, I'm really sorry, I don't mean to be a party pooper but our flight leaves in an hour and we can't afford to re-schedule.
CUT TO:
Drake is bend over calling a dog to come towards him.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Here Boy.
A golden retriever comes and Drake tries to show him by pointing where Domonique was pointing.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Okay boy, over there is something...I don't know what. Could you find it for me? Huh?
He pats the dog on it's skin.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Go find the thing, boy!
The dog leaves. Drake waits for the dog to come back. Domonique, realizing they have to go, sighs madly.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Fine!
Domonique walks over to Drake but Drake doesn't notice her because she is ore interested in the dog finding what she was trying to get him to look at.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Drake, I have to go now: bye.
Domonique and Lainie turn around and leave the party.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA (CONT’D)
That's weird, I wonder why he didn't say bye.
LAINIE LOPENZIA
Who cares?! We really have to go!
They leave. The dog comes back with nothing.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Hey boy, did you find it?! No?! Dammit! She must have been imagining something! Hey Domo---.
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