SYKE TRAYTON (SINGING) (CONT’D)
(Singing “Cliques are the Way to Go”)
The other kids besides the kicktball players aren’t paying attention to him which makes him stop singing and the background music go on.
SYKE TRAYTON (CONT’D)
I sang...(Singing “Cliques are the Way to Go”)
The other kids besides the kickball players are still not paying attention to him which makes him stop singing. The music in the background continues on which makes all the kids look at him.
SYKE TRAYTON (CONT’D)
Sweet! (Singing “Cliques are the Way to Go”)
All the students in the cafeteria jump up from their tables and start dancing all over the place because they have enough room to do so.
STUDENTS IN CAFETERIA (SINGING)
(Singing “Cliques are the Way to Go”)
They make a pose and smile. An older version of Stewie Griffin standing next to a bunch of kids dressed like famous world leaders gets out of the pose and starts singing about how he’s gay.
STEWIE GRIFFIN (SINGING)
(Singing “Cliques are the Way to Go”)
The rest of the kids get out of their pose and dance all over the place.
STUDENTS IN CAFETERIA (SINGING)
No! No! No!
It was better to question your sexuality!
Now that we know you’re gay, takes all the fun away!
How could you do this, baby?!
They look at the screen and make a pose.
STUDENTS IN CAFETERIA (SINGING) (CONT’D)
Cliques are the way to go!
A kid with a mullet standing next to a bunch of kids dressed like the beatles gets out of his pose and starts singing about how he likes the monkees and thinks they are better than the beatles.
BEATLES KID (SINGING LIKE HE’S SINGING THE ACROSS THE UNIVERSE VERSION OF HEY JUDE EXCEPT HE CAN’T KEEP UP WITH IT)
(Singing “Cliques are the way to Go”)
He tries to keep up with the energy of the song but can’t and stops singing and runs out of breath. He pants. The kids get out of their pose and start dancing again.
STUDENTS IN CAFETERIA (SINGING)
(Singing “Cliques are the way to Go”.)
They look at the screen and make a pose.
STUDENT IN CAFETERIA
Cliques are the way to go!
Jennifer White, who's sitting with herself, stands up. She starts singing about how she has no friends because she is the only fat girl in school and made up the "Imaginary clique" up so she would be more accepted.
JENNIFER WHITE(SINGING)
(Singing "Cliques are the way to Go")
The kids get out of their pose and start dancing again.
STUDENTS IN CAFETERIA (SINGING)
(Singing “Cliques are the way to Go”.)
The Kickball players look at Syke.
KICKBALL PLAYERS (SINGING)
(Singing “Cliques are the way to Go”)
The future world leaders look at Stewie.
FUTURE WORLD LEADERS (SINGING)
(Singing “Cliques are the way to Go”)
The kids dressed as the beatles look at the beatle kid who secretly loves the Monkees.
BEATLES KIDS (SINGING)
(Singing “Cliques are the way to Go”)
The kids jump on the tables and start dancing while kids walking out of the place, lead by Domonique with Pomerian and Ricky(wearing a Cafeteria workers hat) behind her, where the cafeteria ladies serve the food holding their trays.
STUDENTS IN CAFETERIA
(Singing “Cliques are the Way to Go”)
All the kids raise their hands up high including the one with the trays raise their hands up in the air which is bad for Domonique because she ends up hitting Pomerian with the tray and hitting her in the face which ruins the mood of the song.
The food on her tray, which is a poorly made lasanga, also falls on her shirt. Domonique reacts quickly and tries to help Pomerian.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Oh my god! I’m so sorry, Pomerian, I really am!
RICKY ERICKSON
Ooh...she’s gonna go Joan Collins style on you!
Pomerian bends her thumb and pinky on her right hand making the three fingers in the middle look like a w. Then she bends her arm making the fingers look like an e. Then she takes an army helmet and puts it on her head. Then she makes the "l" sign with her fingers and places it on her forehead. Then she points to her eyes. Then she moves her mouth and points her finger without actually saying anything. Then she punches Ricky. Then she takes out a picture of Simon Cowell and draws long hair where his hair is with a brown marker. Then she strangles Ricky. Domonique doesn't understand what she's trying to say.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Excuse me?
RICKY ERICKSON(WHILE SHOUTING AT HER)
She said...(while copying Pomerian's movements except he punches and strangles himself)Whatever, major loser! I'm gonna tell on you to Ms. Cowell anyway! She's gonna kill you!
POMERIAN ERICKSON
I was talking in your language, Helen Keller!
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
I'm spanish, not deaf!
POMERIAN ERICKSON
I don't care!
Pomerian walks away from Domonique and sighs madly. Terry, holding a tray, walks in.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
What’s her problem?!
TERRY MACKENZIE
Well, she’s not used to competition, that’s all! See, she’s been the star of all the school plays!
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Even during freshman year?
TERRY MACKENZIE
Yep.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
I thought freshman couldn’t get big parts.
TERRY MACKENZIE
Don't ask me to explain that...it's just that ever since kindergarten no one’s had the guts to try out for a part in the play.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
But I saw a bunch of kids auditioning the day of the auditions.
TERRY MACKENZIE
Yeah, she pays kids to audition horribly so they won’t be able to have any competition.
Domonique just realized something about the fact that they are always the lead parts in the musical.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
That's just wrong.
Terry thinks she's talking about bribing kids to audition horribly.
TERRY MACKENZIE
Yeah, I agree, it's kind of mean spirited.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
No, not that! I was talking about Pomerian and Eric being the leads in all the musicals...I mean, aren't the leads usually two lovers? That's just...just...wrong. It makes me wanna---.
She takes a person's lunch bag who's sitting at a table near them and barfs in it even though that person isn't very happy about it. Ironically, however, that person is the guy who barfed all over her book. 5 teachers with Ms. Cowell sitting in the first seat are sitting at a circular table eating their lunch which includes a well cooked turkey and breadsticks. They are eating peices of the turkey off their plate. There is a soda vending machine near them. Pomerian, still having the food spilt on her dress, and Ricky, who is wearing a hat villains are usually found wearing, walk up to her.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Ms. Cowell, did you see what Domonique did to me?!
Ms. Cowell is ignoring her and eating her lunch, which is a turkey leg. Pomerian is annoyed Ms. Cowell didn't respond to her.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Ms. Cowell, listen to me!
Ms. Cowell takes ear plugs out of her ear and looks at Pomerian.
MS. COWELL
I'm sorry, what? I don't like to listen to whiny teenagers.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
I said, did you see what Domonique did to me? You know why she did this to me? I’ll tell you why: she and Drake are trying to sabotage the musical!
MS. COWELL
Or could it be that it was just a mistake?! Besides, that doesn’t sound very reasonable.
Pomerian sees she's got a point and gets annoyed with it. She thinks of something else to tell her to get Domonique in trouble causing her to snap her fingers.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Yeah, well, her mom’s a slut...
Pomerian takes out Mrs. Lopenzia’s diary and gives it to her.
POMERIAN ERICKSON (CONT’D)
I’ve got proof right here.
MS. COWELL
So? Just because her mom’s a whore doesn’t mean I’m going to kick her out of the musical. It’s very unreasonable if you think about it.
Pomerian storms off angrily followed by Ricky. Domonique starts walking to the coke vending machine with a dollar in her hand. Ms. Cowell looks at Domonique.
MS. COWELL (CONT’D)
Hey Domonique,---.
Domonique looks at Ms. Cowell.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Yes, Ms. Cowell?
MS. COWELL
Here’s your mother’s diary back.
Ms. Cowell gives her the diary.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Thanks-why do you have my mother’s diary?
MS. COWELL
Pomerian and Eric stole it trying to find some dirt on you so she went to your house and stole your diary.
Domonique is a little creeped out about that.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Okay...
Domonique turns around and walks away from her.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA (CONT’D)
Hmm...I have my mother’s diary in my hand: should I look at it? No, I shouldn’t! It’s her privacy! But...it’s just so tempting! You know, I don’t think she’ll really mind!
Domonique opens the diary and looks at it to find the diary passage Pomerian read. She reads it and looks up.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA (CONT’D)
Dear diary, today I found out I was pregnant-I’m not 100% sure who the father is but it’s gotta be the charming guy who turned out to be a married jerk cheating on his wife-it just has to be! P.S., I found it a little weird that all these guys broke out into songs by ABBA. Like when the rapist was about to rape me, he sang “Honey, Honey”, when the gay guy was about to tell me he was gay he sang “Dancing Queen” and when I found out the charming guy was married he broke out into “Mamma Mia!”. Wow...I can’t believe my mom’s not sure who my real father is, although it’s probably the charming guy,---.
She looks up.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA (CONT’D)
Maybe when I audition at the callbacks I can use the power of music to reunite my parents!
Her cell phone rings. She takes it out of her pocket and answers the call.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA (CONT'D)
Hello?
INT. -MEXICO MARKETPLACE-DAY
The marketplace is a very sandy place where there a bunch of shops sets up there including taco stands, fish stands, video stands with vhs tapes of 90’s movies, Fake Immigrant paper stands, etc. With people behind the stands. There are also people walking around the marketplace. One person is lying near the video stand with a mexican hat covering up his face. A creepy mexican guy walks over to the video store to ask the clerk for something. He looks around to make sure no one has noticed him. He looks at the video clerk.
MEXICAN PEADOPHILE
Excuse me, sir, do you by any chance have “Rugrats Go Wild?”.
The mexican police come out of nowhere and twist his arm around and cuff his hands together. This annoys the mexican pedophile.
MEXICAN PEADOPHILE (CONT’D)
Even in Mexico, Pedophilia's a crime! Who knew?!
The police leave. The guy lying near the video store takes off his mexican hat to reveal himself to be Domonique’s father with his shirt saying “Domonique’s daddy”. He is talking to Domonique on the phone but thinks he is talking to someone else.
REMINGTON BRONAN
Hi---is this Tom Smith by any chance? Yeah, I know this is going to sound weird but I think we accidently swapped bags at the airport:does anything in your bag look remotely similar to the stuff you packed? 'Cause mine doesn't.
INT. GENE KELLY HIGH CAFETERIA-DAY
Domonique is confused at someone she doesn't know calling her cell phone because she doesn't know it's actually her father.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
May I ask who's calling?
INT. -MEXICO MARKETPLACE-DAY
REMINGTON BRONAN
Remington Bronan: is Tom Smith around?
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH CAFETERIA-DAY
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
I'm sorry but you have the wrong number.
Domonique remembers that Remington Bronan is one of her possible fathers and gets an idea to ask him to come to her audition so he can finally meet him right then and there.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Don't hang up though!
INT. -MEXICO MARKETPLACE-DAY
Remington Bronan
I wasn't going to hang up: I was going to ask who this is then hang up...by the way, why don't you want me to hang up?
INT.-GENE KELLY HIGH CAFETERIA-DAY
Domonique Lopenzia
Well, this is going to sound weird but I might be your daughter. Do you remember having a fling with a woman named Lainie Lopenzia?
INT. -MEXICO MARKETPLACE-DAY
Remington is still in love with Lainie Lopenzia.
REMINGTON BRONAN
You mean my one true love who broke up with me because of a little misunderstanding?
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH CAFETERIA-DAY
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Yeah, that Lainie Lopenzia: anyway I'd like to meet you so could you possibly come down from Mexico?
INT. -MEXICO MARKETPLACE-DAY
REMINGTON BRONAN
I'll try: anyway, about Lainie, has she forgiven me for what I did? Does she love me and regret ever leaving me? Is she married?
Remington shudders about the idea seeing as she loves Lainie.
REMINGTON BRONAN
Please tell me she doesn't: please tell me the last boyfriend she had made her cry after they got kissed.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH CAFETERIA-DAY
Domonique Lopenzia
I'm not going to lie, I really don't know but I bet she's forgiven you...after all, it's been like 17 years so she's probably forgotten the whole incident by now.
INT. -MEXICO MARKETPLACE-DAY
Remington agrees with her.
REMINGTON BRONAN
Good point.
He hangs up the cell phone and puts it back in his pocket. He sees the border near the marketplace. There are guards near it. He runs to the gates and climbs over them. The guards start running towards him but he looks at them and the guards stop.
REMINGTON BRONAN (CONT’D)
Come on, fellas, I just want to see my daughter’s performance and tell her mother I'm sorry for using her to cheat on my wife---can’t you understand?
BORDER GUARD
Well, you are charming, so okay, we’ll let you go ahead.
REMINGTON BRONAN
Thanks.
He runs away from them. Another mexian guy in a sombrero comes. They start to crowd around him stopping him from leaving.
MEXICAN GUY
Oh come on, I just want to see my sick mother, who's in the country legally by the way. She's gonna die in two weeks! Can't you understand?
The guards shrug and look at him happily.
BORDER GUARD
Okay, you can go.
The mexican guy runs away. Now there are millions of mexicans crowded around the guards making reasons to leave the country like "I just want to see my kids", "I'm going to stop global warming", "I need to see my grandparents before they die", "I have to see the father I never knew I had", etc. The guards look terrified at this.
BORDER GUARD
There goes the neighberhood!
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH CAFETERIA-DAY
The kickball players are still eating their lunch at their table. They are all eating pizza with a water bottle and a muffin on their tray. Drake walks in.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Hi guys.
The kickball players ignore him.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (CONT’D)
Guys?
He bends down and looks at Carter. He snaps his fingers to get his attention but it doesn’t work. He makes funny faces to get his attention but it doesn’t work. He takes out a black marker and draws two black circles around his eyes then a mustache above his lips but it still doesn't work. He sticks his finger into his mouth then pulls out and throws up all over Carter. Carter takes a towel and washes his face that has throw up all over it. Drake is getting annoyed they won’t pay attention to him.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (CONT’D)
Guys, why are you ignoring me?!
Carter looks at him madly.
CARTER DONALDSON
Because you auditioned for the high school musical, Drake Mcprettygayguy!
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
For god sakes, I'm not gay!
A guy with a metal detector that says "Gaydar Corporation" on the disk part at the end of the metal detector. The metal detector is blinking. Drake and Carter look at him.
METAL DETECTOR GUY
Um, do any of you have change in your wallet?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Who carries coins anymore?
METAL DETECTOR GUY
They must be detecting your cell phones. Look, I'm really sorry about this---I'm just gonna go now.
The metal detector guy leaves. Drake sits down next to Carter and Carter looks at him.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Look, What’s the big deal?! I don’t get it!
CARTER DONALDSON
I keep spelling it out for you! The high school musical is not for kickball players!
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
But you loved From Justin to Kelly and that was a musical!
CARTER DONALDSON
I didn’t like From Justin to Kelly!
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Then why do you have Justin Guarini’s hairstyle?
CARTER DONALDSON
My mom took me to see that movie and she loved it so she made me get Justin’s hairstyle! See my mom’s a theatre freak! She loves all the Broadway shows and keeps forcing us to see Broadway shows for her birthday and puts faces of Broadway stars on the door of the refrigerator! Now, come on, dude, do you really want to be on my mom’s refrigerator?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Well, Carter, I don’t think you can force a body onto a refrigerator. I don’t think you can even force a body into a refrigerator without getting rid of all the food.
CARTER DONALDSON
I mean your picture!
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
But, that picture of us at our first game is on her refrigerator! I’ve been to your house, dude! Plus, come on, I like to sing and I really want to do this. I mean, come on dude, you can't take me away from the music. Just look around you, there's music all around us: we've got the choir...
The choir are standing at a table singing the chorus for the song "Graduation". Drake is still telling Carter about how there's music all around them.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Two lovers who have never had the guts to sing how they feel until now...
Two teenagers, a boy and a girl, are looking at each other lovingly singing about how they love each other.
TEENAGE BOY(SINGING)
I just feel the moment is right...
TEENAGER GIRL(SINGING)
I just feel the moment is here...
Drake is still telling Carter about how there's music all around them.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Even two people who are already in love.
In the Cafeteria, a girl is lying on a bed wearing nothing but bra and underwear while a guy, in his shirt and underwear, is facing her.
BOYFRIEND
Ah, come on, do I really have to sign the "Mr. Weenie" song?
GIRLFRIEND
You know I love it when you sing the "Mr. Weenie" song, Jeff.
The boyfriend sighs and decides to let go of his dignity.
BOYFRIEND
Fine, I'll sign the "Mr. Weenie" song.
Drake is still telling Carter about how there's music all around them.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
However, I think Lloyd Webber might take it a little too far.
Lloyd Webber, a student at the school who never talks just sings, walks over to a student who's eating lunch with her friends. They are all having burgers.
LLOYD WEBBER(SINGING)
'Scuse me, do you have a minute?
I misplaced my pencil, could I borrow yours?
Do you mind If I take it, never get it back?
I really need a pencil,---.
He looks at everybody and sings more strongly. He raises his arms.
LLOYD WEBBER(SINGING STRONGLY)
But somewhere I will find mine!
Drake stops telling Carter about how there's music all around them. Carter sighs and looks at him madly.
CARTER DONALDSON
Dude, that's different, okay!
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
How is it different?
Carter sighs heavily.
CARTER DONALDSON
It---It just is, okay. Because atleast that's not interfering with the status quo. Ever since you auditioned for the musical, now the whole school thinks they can just do whatever they want and not go with the flow thereby disrupting the status quo. And that's just sick.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
I’m not sick, I’m feeling fine. Plus, you have to say, that girl, Domonique, who’s also auditioning for the musical has a fine piece of tail.
In the cafeteria, A boy who has the shape of Terry is walking in the cafeteria but you can only see his/her back which now has a tail on her butt. Carter and Drake look at him/her lustfully. The boy turns around to reveal he’s not Terry but actually a boy who looks like Terry. Carter looks at him like he’s grossed out but Drake still looks at him lustfully.
INT. -GENE KELLY SECRET HIDEOUT-DAY
The secret hideout looks like the inside of a cave dark but enough light for people to see and the whole thing is filled with dirt except there are stairs leading to the secret hideout. Drake is sitting at a piano near the stairs playing "Music of the Night". He stops playing the song because he thinks it sounds too depressing.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Nah, too depressing. You know, I think I'll just wait for Domonique to come to play some music. By the way, where is Domonique?
He rolls down his sleeve to reveal that his watch is his Cell Phone pasted onto a watch bracelet. He opens the cell phone with his cell phone picture being a guy with a six pack, a cowboy hat on his head and wearing nothing but underwear. On the top it says Cingular and under it, it says the time which is "12:55".
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(O.S.)
I texted her to come her ten minutes ago! Maybe she got lost...this place is a little hard to find.
Domonique walks down the steps and is amazed at what she sees. Drake sees her which gets his attention. Domonique walks down the last step and is mesmerized by the sight.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Wow, this place is amazing...
She looks at Drake.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Where did you find it, Drake?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Well, seeing as I am pretty popular around the school, I know my way around it...actually, the real reason I know my way around it was because I used to get lost all the time as a freshman. In fact, when I was trying to find the gym once Jorge the janitor showed me this place. After showing me around, I really had to go to the bathroom so I left for a minute. Then when I came back Chris Hansen was there and arrested him...then he was fired and sent back to his country because it turned out he was an illegal immigrant.
He looks at her happily because he has no idea how creepy that story is.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
So, shall we go horse riding?
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Horse riding?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Follow me.
Drake gets up and walks to a horse he named Sarah Jessica Parker that was near where he and Domonique were. Domonique has no idea what the horse is for.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Domonique, I'd like you to meet Sarah Jessica Parker.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
What’s the horse for?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
It makes the mood more romantic.
Drake gets on the horse followed by Domonique. The horse starts walking and they ride on the horse until the horse stops at a lake where a boat with row is waiting on the lake for them. Drake and Domonique get off the horse and get onto the boat. Drake takes the rows and rows onto the ocean. A crab pops out of the ocean near a lilly pond. A frog jumps onto a lilly pond. Two ducks sail near the crab. Crickets jump on lillies. The turtles turn around and the ducks play them like drums. The crickets chirp.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Did you get singing sea animals to perform for us?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Yep.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Ahh...that’s so sweet. You’re really cool, Drake, but not for the reasons everybody thinks you are.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Thanks. You know, Domonique, ever since you came into my life, my whole life has changed: I realize that there was more to me than I thought there was.
Domonique giggles.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
You don’t mean that.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
I do. You see, before you were here, all I was was “the hot jock”. Then I sang with you and now I realize that you can like more stuff than basketball or science or whatever you’re interested in.
Drake and Domonique smile at each other then awkwardly pause.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (CONT’D)
So, um, you know, we are all alone and---.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
I know what you want but I can’t.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Oh, why not?!
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
I have crabs.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
So, since when does having a pet crab mean you can't have sex?
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Well, my pet crab is the composer of the chorus and it's a little awkward to have sex in front of your own pet, you know.
Drake looks at the sea chorus madly.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Hey, I thought you all said you came from under the Sea?
The crab, who is still conducting the chorus, looks at them madly.
CRAB(IN A JAMAICAN ACCENT)
Hey, I need the work, mon, okay?
CUT TO:
Domonique starts to get up from the boat and stretches her legs and arms and moves her head around a little. Then she looks at Drake.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Anyway, I have to go...
Drake is suddenly grabbing her leg which causes Domonique's attention. Drake let's go of her leg. He gets up and looks at her.
CUT TO:
The ducks take out violins and start playing music.
CUT TO:
Drake and Domonique stilll on the boat. Music starts in the background for the song they are about to sing which is a reprise of "What's Better than to Sing about love".
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Don't go---having you here is so...so...special.
He smiles and starts singing very slowly.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(SINGING)
(Sings "What's Better than to Sing about love?")
Domonique smiles and starts singing.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings "What's Better than to Sing about Love?")
INT. -SECRET HIDEOUT CARNIVAL-DAY
They are suddenly walking around a carnival in the secret hideout while they eat cotton candy on a stick. The carnival is made up of tents with games like "Whack a mole", "Hit the bottle", "Splash the firetruck", etc. They look at each other lovingly and continue to sing as they walk through the carnival.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(SINGING)
(Sings "What's Better than to Sing about Love")
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings "What's Better than to Sing about Love")
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH SECRET HIDEOUT-DAY
Drake and Domonique are back on the boat. Drake is not rowing causing the boat to be in the middle of the sea not movie. Drake and Domonique sing to each other. As they sing, Drake takes out a ken doll and tears his jeans off then puts it away. Domonique takes a barbie doll and rips her bra off then puts it away.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(SINGING)
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings "What's Better than to Sing about Love")
INT. -SECRET HIDEOUT CARNIVAL-DAY
They continue to walk along the carnival holding sticks of cotton candy and singing to each other.
They start singing faster.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(SINGING)
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings "What's Better than to Sing about Love")
As they sing, fireflies fly above them and form together to make the shape of a heart.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH SECRET HIDEOUT-DAY
They are back on the boat in the middle of the sea sitting while they sing to each other. Drake takes out a hot dog and Domonique takes out a kitten. The kitten eats the hot dog. Domonique puts the kitten away and takes out a hula hoop. She holds the hula hoop still with her legs and throws a bunch of dark skinned baby dolls out of it. She puts the hula hoop away and they go closer to each other.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(SINGING)
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings "What's Better than to Sing about Love")
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(SINGING)
(Sings "What's Better than to Sing about Love")
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings "What's Better than to Sing about Love")
They kiss then look at each other lovingly.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(SINGING)
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(SINGING)
(Sings "What's Better than to Sing about Love")
The Camera goes towards the sky and the background music ends in a Disney-like sweet note.
INT. -SECRET HIDEOUT CARNIVAL-DAY
Lainie is leaning against the tent with the ring toss game. A guy is standing behind the tent waiting for people to play ring toss and win prizes which include stuff animals like teddy bears, pop culture icons, etc. She is deeply touched by Drake and Domonique's musical number.
LAINIE LOPENZIA
That was so beautiful! It might not have made much sense but in any event it was still fabulous!
She sees Remington Bronan walking in slow motion while "Golddigger" by Kanye West plays in the background. She shakes her head in utter disgust because she's trying to show he's not really in love with him even though she still is.
LAINIE LOPENZIA
Save the songs for the musical numbers!
Remington Bronan walks behind her and covers her eyes.
REMINGTON BRONAN
Guess who?
LAINIE LOPENZIA
Remington, stop covering my sight!
Remington lets go of her eyes.
REMINGTON BRONAN
Remember me?
She turns around and doesn't look at him. She crosses her arms.
LAINIE LOPENZIA
Sadly, yes.
Remington walks in front of her.
REMINGTON BRONAN
Oh come on, Lainie, it's been 17 years: can't you forgive me?
LAINIE LOPENZIA
Remington, you broke my heart, and that's the most important part in the body: sure your brain makes you think and your skeleton supports the body but your heart tells you who you should spend the rest of your life with.
REMINGTON BRONAN
It actually pumps blood in the body: so it is the most important part in the body, just not for the reasons you said...plus, seeing as most people can't live without any blood in your system your heart seems to be okay.
Lainie sighs and rolls her eyes. Then she looks at him.
LAINIE LOPENZIA
I got it repaired.
INT. -BASEBALL FIELD-DAY
A baseball game is going on between Jack and a shirtless Drake. Drake is the pitcher while Jack is the hitter. A bunch of kids in the background that are playing the game are also shirtless.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
You know, son, I really don’t like you trying out for the musical.
Drake spins around and throws the ball at dad. Jack hits the ball.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Why not? It’s not like I’m quitting the kickball team!
Jack runs around the bases while the other players in the background run towards the ball. One guy jumps up high and catches it with his glove. He spins around and throws it towards Drake. In a tree near the game, Pomerian and Ricky are in the bushes of a tree spying on them. Ricky is looking at the game through binoculars. Pomerian grabs the binoculars out of his hand and hits him with the binoculars.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Ricky, you’re not supposed to be spying on the game!
Ricky looks at her.
RICKY ERICKSON
But the guys are so hot! Plus, isn’t the only point of this is to look at a shirtless Drake?!
POMERIAN ERICKSON
No, the whole point is to get some dirt on Drake so he won’t be able to do the musical!
INT. -SCIENCE CLUB-DAY
Terry and the rest of the science club, in lab coats, are sitting around a microscope set on a desk with Terry sitting down on a chair and looking into the microscope while the rest of the science club is huddled around her. West Side Story-like music goes on which distracts the science club and they try to look around.
TERRY MACKENZIE
Where the hell is that music coming from?!
Carter and the rest of the kickball players walk in dancing and snapping their fingers like the gangs in West Side Story. Terry and the science club walk to them dancing and snapping their fingers like the gangs in West Side Story.
TERRY MACKENZIE (CONT’D)
What the hell do you want, jock?! Can’t you see were busy?!
CARTER DONALDSON
You’re Domonique’s friends, right?
TERRY MACKENZIE
Yeah. So?!
CARTER DONALDSON
Well, we hate to say this but we need to team up with you.
TERRY MACKENZIE
Why should we team up with you boneheads?!
CARTER DONALDSON
Look, as you know, Domonique and Drake auditioned for the musical even though they are a jock and a science geek respectively which have nothing to do with musicals. Now I know sometimes we break out into song to express how we feel but that’s totally different!
TERRY MACKENZIE
Yeah, I know, this really sucks! So, what’s your point?!
CARTER DONALDSON
Well, we were thinking about it and decided to team up with you to devise a plan to turn everything back to normal.
TERRY MACKENZIE
You think? I find that hard to believe!
CARTER DONALDSON
Look, will you do it or not?!
TERRY MACKENZIE
Okay, we’ll do it, but not because we like you but because we want everything to return to normal to.
CARTER DONALDSON
Good. Okay, so what’s the plan?
TERRY MACKENZIE
Hmm...let’s see: I think we’ll have to have a cattle freeze to think of a plan.
The kickball players and the science club get into a cattle freeze. They get out of the cattle freeze when Terry blinks her eyes. She looks at everybody.
TERRY MACKENZIE (CONT’D)
Okay, here it is: you trick Drake into saying he doesn’t care about Domonique while we cleverly disguise a camera somewhere into the room then show it to Domonique through a wi-fi link.
CARTER DONALDSON
Thank you so much for doing this, Terry: this is great!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
I wrote a parody of musicals part 8
The background music for the song Pomerian is about to sing, "Rich Bitch" which is in a slow/techno Britney Spears-style song, comes on in the background. 5 Background dancers, which are all hunky man, come out from the background and go to the middle of the stage. They form a line. The first male background dancer ducks. Pomerian is on stage dancing slowly, shaking her ass. CLOSE ON: Pomerian's legs. Her legs bend with the tune of the music. The second background dancer ducks. Pomerian is suddenly licking a lollipop. The third background dancer ducks. Pomerian is in bed with a random guy smoking a cigar looking like they just had sex. They are both smiling. The fourth background dancer ducks. Ricky is dancing on a pole like a stripper even wearing fake boobs. He shakes his ass and grabs the pole. He slides down the pole and the fake boobs, which are cantelopes, come out of his shirt. CLOSE SHOT: Pomerian's lips. Pomerian starts singing "Rich Bitch".
POMERICAN ERICKSON(SINGING)
(Singing "Rich Bitch")
INT. -FOOSBALL TABLE-DAY
A miniature Ricky is dancing on a foosball table while the music plays in the background. One of the player hits him in the nuts at the beat of the music.
INT. -WHITE BACKGROUND-DAY
Pomerian is standing behind a white background. She can't believe what she just saw. She mouths "WTF?".
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Pomerian and Ricky are on the stage dancing sexily. The fifth male background dancer ducks.Pomerian runs towards the male background dancers and jumps over all 5 of them. She goes to Rick and slides down him. Rick, however, isn't the least bit interested in her and is actually a little grossed out she's doing it. She crawls on the stage and looks at the audience sexily. As she does this, she is singing "Rich Bitch".
POMERIAN ERICKSON(SINGING LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS) (CONT’D)
(Singing “Rich Bitch”)
Ricky is now wearing Sanjaya's long curly hair. He is pretending to be interested in Pomerian but isn't really interested in her seeing as he's gay and she's his sister.
RICKY ERICKSON(SINGING LIKE A MALE BACKGROUND SINGER)
(Singing “Rich Bitch”)
Pomerian walks to the middle of the stage. All the hunky background dancers walk to her and circle her. Then they walk around her, checking her out.
POMERIAN ERICKSON(SINGING LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS)
(Singing “Rich Bitch”)
She stops singing. The guys spring away from her and dance in the background. Pomerian and Ricky dance around the stage while looking at each other. The male back-up dancers who are dancing in the background get into the middle of the stage and form a line going from the tallest to the smallest. Pomerian and Ricky join the line with Pomerian as first and Ricky as second. Pomerian ducks followed by Ricky and the other male break-up dancers. Pomerian takes male break-up dancer#1 and grabs him by the waist and dances with him while Ricky takes male break-up dancer#2 and grabs him by the waist and dances with him. Then they push the male break-up dancers away and slowly walk toward each other sexily. They go close to each other and look at each other closely. They shimmy around while looking at each other sexily and pretend they are about to kiss.
POMERIAN ERICKSON(SINGING)
(Singing “Rich Bitch”)
She pulls away from him and dances sexily around him while singing "Rich Bitch" sliding around him.
POMERIAN ERICKSON(SINGING)
(Singing “Rich Bitch”)
As she's about to slide off of Ricky, Ricky grabs her by the arms. The song turns off and they smile.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and judges are really impressed.
MR. JACKSON
Yo dog, I was blown away by that even if it wasn't the song you weren't supposed to sing...although only 2 people actually sang "Then There was You"...actually only 6 people auditioned.
MS. ABDUL
I agree...though I usually agree with him.
MS. COWELL
Even I think that was good and I'm the guy who always says it's horrible.
The audience boo's. Ms. Cowell looks at them.
MS. COWELL (CONT’D)
I said it was good, you don't have to boo, you idiots!
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ryan Seacrest claps his hands.
RYAN SEACREST
Well, that's all the time we have for today. Unless, anyone else would like to audition...would anyone like to audition? Anyone? Anyone?
INT. -AUDITORIUM BACKSTAGE-DAY
Drake is still hiding behind the trashcan with Domonique hiding in the trashcan.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
You know what, I’ve been thinking:maybe I should get the courage to go up there and audition for the high school musical.
Domonique pops out of the trashcan and climbs out of it. She looks at him.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
You know, I was actually thinking the same thing.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Do you think we should do it?
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Even though it’s out of our leagues, you being a jock and I being a science whiz, we probably should if we really want to do it!
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Okay, let’s do it...
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ryan is still looking around to see if anyone else would like to audition.
RYAN SEACREST
Is that it? Well, then...
Drake and Domonique walk out.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
We’d like to audition!
Ryan sighs and looks at them.
RYAN SEACREST
Sorry, kid, but you’re too late...
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Come on, just give us 5 minutes...
Ryan sighs out of annoyance and looks at them madly because he doesn't really want to spend anymore time there.
RYAN SEACREST
Look, the auditions are over, plus I have no time to give you 5 minutes: I came all the way from California to do this and I need to be back there in 5 minutes.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Why?
RYAN SEACREST
Do you realize how many jobs I have? I am a busy man...
He looks at the audience and judges.
RYAN SEACREST (CONT’D)
Sorry about that: now where was I? Oh right.
He claps.
RYAN SEACREST (CONT’D)
Those were all great performances...woo! But it’s up to you, america, who will be in the High School Musical?!
The credit music for American Idol goes on as Ryan leaves the stage.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The judges and the audience get up from their seats and leave.
INT. -AUDITORIUM BACKSTAGE-DAY
Casey is holding a bunch of sheet music papers and walking towards the exit when a student walks out of the exit accidentally hitting her with the door and makes her fall down making her let go of the sheets and making them fly all over the place. Drake and Domonique walk towards her to help her. The notes are now on the floor. Casey, who’s glasses are a little crooked thanks to having her hit by the door, is crawling and scattering around trying to find the notes but can’t find them. Drake and Domonique go on their hands and knees and help pick them up. They finish picking them up. Domonique, Drake, who are holding the notes, and Casey get up. Casey straightens her glasses. Drake and Domonique give her the notes back.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Here’s the sheet music, back.
CASEY NEILSON Thank you. So, I see you two wanted to audition for the High School Musical.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Yeah, we actually did...
CASEY NEILSON
Well, um, even though you’re too late, would you like to see the song I wanted them to play instead of the song they actually did play?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Yeah, we’d love to...
CASEY NEILSON
Okay, then, let's go, shall we?
Casey starts walking and Drake and Domonique follow her. They walk to the stage. Casey sets the sheet music on the music stand. She sits back down on the piano and starts playing the song "Then There Was You" which only Jennifer and Grumbles sang causing Drake and Domonique to sing it.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LIP SYNCHING)
(Singing “Then There was You”)
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA (SINGING)
(Singing “Then There was You”)
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Ms. Cowell walks into the auditorium because she forgot her purse.
MS. COWELL
Excuse me, is anyone in here, I forgot my---.
She hears Drake and Domonique singing and gets distracted because she can’t believe how good they sound.
MS. COWELL (CONT’D)
Oh my god, it’s beautiful...
A woman standing next to her is holding a baby.
MOTHER
I know, isn’t he?
Ms. Cowell pushes her away.
MS. COWELL
And their singing is great! They’ve got talent!
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Casey is still playing "Then There Was You" on the piano with Domonique standing near the piano but Drake is no longer there. On the right of the piano, a recording studio has replaced Drake. In the studio, there is recording equipment, an amplifier to record the singers voice, a T.V. with Drake's face on it singing "Then There Was You" and a few cables lying down to record the voice. The singer who dubs Drake's singing voice is on a stool singing "Then There Was You" through the microphone recording his voice.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Ms. Cowell is just amazed at their singing.
MS. COWELL
I don't think I've ever heard a teenager sing as beautifully as Drake has. Words can not describe how beautiful his voice truly is.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Casey is still playing "Then There Was You" on the piano and Drake and Domonique are singing together. They stop singing causing Casey to stop playing the piano.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Wow, that was beautiful...I mean, sure, Pomerian and Ricky’s song is more catchy but this is a good song nonetheless.
CASEY NEILSON
Thanks. Now, I’m sorry, but you have to go, my “fall in love with prissy white boy and try to turn him into gangsta boy but we end up keeping our personality and falling love with each other even though society doesn’t want us to” class is starting in 10 minutes.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Okay, well, we better get going too...we’ve got class next period: see you later.
CASEY NEILSON
See you later.
Drake and Domonique leave. Casey leaves and, offscreen, she is heard undressing but you don’t see anything. Casey walks in dressed like a gangsta kid with the baggy pants, sideways hat, gold chain, and short sleeved white shirt. A similarly dressed kid, the gangsta kid, walks in except he’s wearing a tutu instead of baggy pants looking bored.
GANGSTA KID (MUMBLING WITH SUBITLES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN SAYING WHAT HE’S SAYING)
Yo Casey, I didn’t know you were Gangsta:I thought you were the prissy white bitch.
Casey realizes she got the classes wrong and it’s actually “fall for gangsta kid and try to turn him into prissy white boy but end up accepting him and falling for him anyway” class.
CASEY NEILSON
Oh, great, I got the classes wrong: it’s actually “fall for gangsta kid and try to turn him into prissy white boy but end up accepting him and falling for him anyway” class.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Ms. Cowell is amazed at what she heard.
MS. COWELL
Wow! That...that was just amazing! I can’t believe what I heard! I never knew a science geek and a jock could sing so well but they did! It’s too bad we didn’t let them audition: but, oh dear, it’s too late...well, I guess I could do a callback but,...oh what the hell? I’ll do a callback!
The bell rings.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH-DAY
All the students except for Drake, Domonique and the kickball team are crowded around the bulletin board which has a callback sheet in the front of it with Drake’s name first, Domonique’s name under it, Pomerian’s name under it, and Eric’s name last. All the students are worried because Drake has auditioned for something out of his nature. The announcements turn on.
PA VOICE
Everybody, were all gonna die!
A few greasers in the crowd are mad that the plot of High School Musical is very similar to the plot of Grease. Casey and a prissy white boy and the gangsta boy are standing by her right and left side.
GREASER#1
Yo guys, he stole our shtick!
GREASER#2
What da hell you talking about?!
GREASER#1
Think about it-I’m in love with Sandy which you guys don’t like and neither does her friends-same thing here: Drake’s auditioned for the musical and fell in love with Domonique which the guys don’t like and neither do her friends.
GREASER#3
Oh my god, you’re right! They stole that from us! We were the first ones to use the concept first! West Side Story and Romeo and Juliet might have a similar plot but that’s just a coincidence-this isn’t!
He punches his fists.
GREASER#3 (CONT’D)
Let’s get’ em!
Greaser#4 points to someone off-screen.
GREASER#4
Hey look, I found something worse than a bad remake!
The other greasers look at him.
GREASER#1
GREASER#2
GREASER#3
What?!
Across the hall, from where they are standing a bunch of kids dressed like they are in Grease 2 are hanging out by a wall.
GREASE 2 GREASER#1
Yo everybody, did you know Johnny’s still a virgin!
Everybody else except Johnny, who’s standing next to him, gasps. A guy next to the guy on the right side of Johnny stands out from the crowd.
GREASE 2 GREASER#3
But...how can you be a virgin?! If you don’t have sex then the whole world will blow up!
He gets back into the crowd. Grease 2 Greaser#2, who’s standing next to Johnny on his right side, looks at Johnny.
GREASE 2 GREASER#2
Yo Johnny, how can you be a virgin?!
Johnny stands out from the crowd.
JOHNNY
Simple-I masturbate!
Grease-like music comes on in the background. Everybody bops their heads.
JOHNNY(SINGING) (CONT’D)
Who needs a man and a woman?!
When you can do it with one person?!
So, please don’t hate... But tonight...
GREASE 2 CAST (SINGING)
Were gonna masturbate!
The greasers, mad as hell, punch their fists.
GREASER#1
Let’s get’em, guys.
The greasers run towards them. The prissy white boy looks at Casey.
PRISSY WHITE BOY
Hey, aren’t we also in a love triangle where our friends won’t let us date because we come from two different worlds?
Pomerian and Ricky(wearing a hat that says “WTF?”), who are in front of the crowd, can’t believe what they are seeing.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
This has to be a joke! Were supposed to be the only kids in the musicals! Even though those other kids auditioned, we paid them to look bad so we could win!
RICKY ERICKSON
Maybe were getting punk’d! Maybe will meet Ashton!
Pomerian rolls her eyes and looks at Ricky.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
That show has been cancelled for two years, idiot!
Ricky tries to think of something else. He snaps his fingers.
RICKY ERICKSON
Maybe were on Scare Tactics! Maybe will meet Tracy!
Pomerian looks at him annoyed.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Look, unless it shows your gay let me do the hip dialogue for now...
Carter and the rest of the Kickball team except for Drake walk in and see the crowd at the bulletin board.
CARTER DONALDSON
Wait a minute, what the hell is going on?!
They walk through the crowd and push their way through them to the bulletin board. They see that Drake is in the callbacks and are surprised and mad about it because auditioning for the high school musical is out of the kicktball players nature.
CARTER DONALDSON (CONT’D)
Oh my god, this is worse than "From Justin to Kelly!"
Everybody looks at him weirdly because they didn't except a jock to see a musical.
CARTER DONALDSON
I mean, "Oh my god, this is worse than that singer, who I don't know because I don't listen to music, trying to pitch the ball in that baseball game in China".
He looks at everybody.
CARTER DONALDSON (CONT’D)
But let’s not talk about it here, everybody...let’s sing about it in the cafeteria!
Everyone runs to the cafeteria.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH CAFETERIA-DAY
The cafeteria is unusually large for a high school cafeteria. It’s as large as a mansion. Kids are sitting at different tables eating their lunch. In the front seats are Carter and the basketball team. There are two doors, one on each side of the cafeteria in the back, that lead to the place where the students get their food and put them on trays. There's a line at both of the doors. Two students holding lunch trays walk into the frame.
STUDENT IN CAFETERIA#1
Wow, they’ve really redone the cafeteria!
STUDENT IN CAFETERIA#2
Now all the students can eat here: how could they afford this?
They walk past the frame.
OFF-SCREEN VOICE
How could they cut chorus?!
6 girls dressed like they should be in the show, "The Hills" are sitting at a table looking at their cell phones texting nobody.
HILLS GIRL#1
Like OMG, did you hear about Drake trying out for The High School Musical?
HILLS GIRL#2
Like yeah, what an atrocity!
4 guys dressed like rabbi's are sitting at a table eating Bagles with little pieces of salmon in it.
JEWISH STUDENT#1
Did you hear about Drake trying out for the high school musical?
JEWISH STUDENT#2
Oy Vey!
4 kids, The Wannabes, which include two guys and two girls dressed like they are in Shakespearean times, are sitting at a seat talking two each other like they are in shakesperean time.
WANNABE#1
'Tis hear the herald's call that Drake the prince of the cats the noble man hath tried out for the high school musical which true that in this society hath been banish-ed.
WANNABE#2
'Tis me for can he thou not see that those two things are not together like a happy bride and groom 'bout 14 but are banish-ed from each other, two worlds apart? Hath he no right to see the peril of his actions?
The Kickball players and everyone are a little worried that Drake auditioned for the high school musical.
CARTER DONALDSON
I can’t believe Drake would skip kickball practice just to audition for the stupid musical!
RONNIE
I know, now I’m really questioning his sexuality!
KICKBALL PLAYER#5
It took you this long to question his sexuality? I’ve been questioning his sexuality ever since he said he liked Batman and Robin.
SYKE TRAYTON
Hey guys, maybe it isn’t so bad!
CARTER DONALDSON
Dude, he auditioned for the high school musical! Kickball and musicals have nothing to do with each other! It disrupts the natural order of things!
SYKE TRAYTON
Yeah, well he’s not the only player here who has an interest outside of kickball...
He gets up on the table getting the kickball players attention and the music for the upcoming song “Cliques are the way To Go” starts. Syke is singing about how he’s interested in science because he uses it to make meth labs.
POMERICAN ERICKSON(SINGING)
(Singing "Rich Bitch")
INT. -FOOSBALL TABLE-DAY
A miniature Ricky is dancing on a foosball table while the music plays in the background. One of the player hits him in the nuts at the beat of the music.
INT. -WHITE BACKGROUND-DAY
Pomerian is standing behind a white background. She can't believe what she just saw. She mouths "WTF?".
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Pomerian and Ricky are on the stage dancing sexily. The fifth male background dancer ducks.Pomerian runs towards the male background dancers and jumps over all 5 of them. She goes to Rick and slides down him. Rick, however, isn't the least bit interested in her and is actually a little grossed out she's doing it. She crawls on the stage and looks at the audience sexily. As she does this, she is singing "Rich Bitch".
POMERIAN ERICKSON(SINGING LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS) (CONT’D)
(Singing “Rich Bitch”)
Ricky is now wearing Sanjaya's long curly hair. He is pretending to be interested in Pomerian but isn't really interested in her seeing as he's gay and she's his sister.
RICKY ERICKSON(SINGING LIKE A MALE BACKGROUND SINGER)
(Singing “Rich Bitch”)
Pomerian walks to the middle of the stage. All the hunky background dancers walk to her and circle her. Then they walk around her, checking her out.
POMERIAN ERICKSON(SINGING LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS)
(Singing “Rich Bitch”)
She stops singing. The guys spring away from her and dance in the background. Pomerian and Ricky dance around the stage while looking at each other. The male back-up dancers who are dancing in the background get into the middle of the stage and form a line going from the tallest to the smallest. Pomerian and Ricky join the line with Pomerian as first and Ricky as second. Pomerian ducks followed by Ricky and the other male break-up dancers. Pomerian takes male break-up dancer#1 and grabs him by the waist and dances with him while Ricky takes male break-up dancer#2 and grabs him by the waist and dances with him. Then they push the male break-up dancers away and slowly walk toward each other sexily. They go close to each other and look at each other closely. They shimmy around while looking at each other sexily and pretend they are about to kiss.
POMERIAN ERICKSON(SINGING)
(Singing “Rich Bitch”)
She pulls away from him and dances sexily around him while singing "Rich Bitch" sliding around him.
POMERIAN ERICKSON(SINGING)
(Singing “Rich Bitch”)
As she's about to slide off of Ricky, Ricky grabs her by the arms. The song turns off and they smile.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and judges are really impressed.
MR. JACKSON
Yo dog, I was blown away by that even if it wasn't the song you weren't supposed to sing...although only 2 people actually sang "Then There was You"...actually only 6 people auditioned.
MS. ABDUL
I agree...though I usually agree with him.
MS. COWELL
Even I think that was good and I'm the guy who always says it's horrible.
The audience boo's. Ms. Cowell looks at them.
MS. COWELL (CONT’D)
I said it was good, you don't have to boo, you idiots!
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ryan Seacrest claps his hands.
RYAN SEACREST
Well, that's all the time we have for today. Unless, anyone else would like to audition...would anyone like to audition? Anyone? Anyone?
INT. -AUDITORIUM BACKSTAGE-DAY
Drake is still hiding behind the trashcan with Domonique hiding in the trashcan.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
You know what, I’ve been thinking:maybe I should get the courage to go up there and audition for the high school musical.
Domonique pops out of the trashcan and climbs out of it. She looks at him.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
You know, I was actually thinking the same thing.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Do you think we should do it?
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Even though it’s out of our leagues, you being a jock and I being a science whiz, we probably should if we really want to do it!
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Okay, let’s do it...
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ryan is still looking around to see if anyone else would like to audition.
RYAN SEACREST
Is that it? Well, then...
Drake and Domonique walk out.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
We’d like to audition!
Ryan sighs and looks at them.
RYAN SEACREST
Sorry, kid, but you’re too late...
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Come on, just give us 5 minutes...
Ryan sighs out of annoyance and looks at them madly because he doesn't really want to spend anymore time there.
RYAN SEACREST
Look, the auditions are over, plus I have no time to give you 5 minutes: I came all the way from California to do this and I need to be back there in 5 minutes.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Why?
RYAN SEACREST
Do you realize how many jobs I have? I am a busy man...
He looks at the audience and judges.
RYAN SEACREST (CONT’D)
Sorry about that: now where was I? Oh right.
He claps.
RYAN SEACREST (CONT’D)
Those were all great performances...woo! But it’s up to you, america, who will be in the High School Musical?!
The credit music for American Idol goes on as Ryan leaves the stage.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The judges and the audience get up from their seats and leave.
INT. -AUDITORIUM BACKSTAGE-DAY
Casey is holding a bunch of sheet music papers and walking towards the exit when a student walks out of the exit accidentally hitting her with the door and makes her fall down making her let go of the sheets and making them fly all over the place. Drake and Domonique walk towards her to help her. The notes are now on the floor. Casey, who’s glasses are a little crooked thanks to having her hit by the door, is crawling and scattering around trying to find the notes but can’t find them. Drake and Domonique go on their hands and knees and help pick them up. They finish picking them up. Domonique, Drake, who are holding the notes, and Casey get up. Casey straightens her glasses. Drake and Domonique give her the notes back.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Here’s the sheet music, back.
CASEY NEILSON Thank you. So, I see you two wanted to audition for the High School Musical.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Yeah, we actually did...
CASEY NEILSON
Well, um, even though you’re too late, would you like to see the song I wanted them to play instead of the song they actually did play?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Yeah, we’d love to...
CASEY NEILSON
Okay, then, let's go, shall we?
Casey starts walking and Drake and Domonique follow her. They walk to the stage. Casey sets the sheet music on the music stand. She sits back down on the piano and starts playing the song "Then There Was You" which only Jennifer and Grumbles sang causing Drake and Domonique to sing it.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LIP SYNCHING)
(Singing “Then There was You”)
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA (SINGING)
(Singing “Then There was You”)
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Ms. Cowell walks into the auditorium because she forgot her purse.
MS. COWELL
Excuse me, is anyone in here, I forgot my---.
She hears Drake and Domonique singing and gets distracted because she can’t believe how good they sound.
MS. COWELL (CONT’D)
Oh my god, it’s beautiful...
A woman standing next to her is holding a baby.
MOTHER
I know, isn’t he?
Ms. Cowell pushes her away.
MS. COWELL
And their singing is great! They’ve got talent!
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Casey is still playing "Then There Was You" on the piano with Domonique standing near the piano but Drake is no longer there. On the right of the piano, a recording studio has replaced Drake. In the studio, there is recording equipment, an amplifier to record the singers voice, a T.V. with Drake's face on it singing "Then There Was You" and a few cables lying down to record the voice. The singer who dubs Drake's singing voice is on a stool singing "Then There Was You" through the microphone recording his voice.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Ms. Cowell is just amazed at their singing.
MS. COWELL
I don't think I've ever heard a teenager sing as beautifully as Drake has. Words can not describe how beautiful his voice truly is.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Casey is still playing "Then There Was You" on the piano and Drake and Domonique are singing together. They stop singing causing Casey to stop playing the piano.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Wow, that was beautiful...I mean, sure, Pomerian and Ricky’s song is more catchy but this is a good song nonetheless.
CASEY NEILSON
Thanks. Now, I’m sorry, but you have to go, my “fall in love with prissy white boy and try to turn him into gangsta boy but we end up keeping our personality and falling love with each other even though society doesn’t want us to” class is starting in 10 minutes.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Okay, well, we better get going too...we’ve got class next period: see you later.
CASEY NEILSON
See you later.
Drake and Domonique leave. Casey leaves and, offscreen, she is heard undressing but you don’t see anything. Casey walks in dressed like a gangsta kid with the baggy pants, sideways hat, gold chain, and short sleeved white shirt. A similarly dressed kid, the gangsta kid, walks in except he’s wearing a tutu instead of baggy pants looking bored.
GANGSTA KID (MUMBLING WITH SUBITLES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN SAYING WHAT HE’S SAYING)
Yo Casey, I didn’t know you were Gangsta:I thought you were the prissy white bitch.
Casey realizes she got the classes wrong and it’s actually “fall for gangsta kid and try to turn him into prissy white boy but end up accepting him and falling for him anyway” class.
CASEY NEILSON
Oh, great, I got the classes wrong: it’s actually “fall for gangsta kid and try to turn him into prissy white boy but end up accepting him and falling for him anyway” class.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Ms. Cowell is amazed at what she heard.
MS. COWELL
Wow! That...that was just amazing! I can’t believe what I heard! I never knew a science geek and a jock could sing so well but they did! It’s too bad we didn’t let them audition: but, oh dear, it’s too late...well, I guess I could do a callback but,...oh what the hell? I’ll do a callback!
The bell rings.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH-DAY
All the students except for Drake, Domonique and the kickball team are crowded around the bulletin board which has a callback sheet in the front of it with Drake’s name first, Domonique’s name under it, Pomerian’s name under it, and Eric’s name last. All the students are worried because Drake has auditioned for something out of his nature. The announcements turn on.
PA VOICE
Everybody, were all gonna die!
A few greasers in the crowd are mad that the plot of High School Musical is very similar to the plot of Grease. Casey and a prissy white boy and the gangsta boy are standing by her right and left side.
GREASER#1
Yo guys, he stole our shtick!
GREASER#2
What da hell you talking about?!
GREASER#1
Think about it-I’m in love with Sandy which you guys don’t like and neither does her friends-same thing here: Drake’s auditioned for the musical and fell in love with Domonique which the guys don’t like and neither do her friends.
GREASER#3
Oh my god, you’re right! They stole that from us! We were the first ones to use the concept first! West Side Story and Romeo and Juliet might have a similar plot but that’s just a coincidence-this isn’t!
He punches his fists.
GREASER#3 (CONT’D)
Let’s get’ em!
Greaser#4 points to someone off-screen.
GREASER#4
Hey look, I found something worse than a bad remake!
The other greasers look at him.
GREASER#1
GREASER#2
GREASER#3
What?!
Across the hall, from where they are standing a bunch of kids dressed like they are in Grease 2 are hanging out by a wall.
GREASE 2 GREASER#1
Yo everybody, did you know Johnny’s still a virgin!
Everybody else except Johnny, who’s standing next to him, gasps. A guy next to the guy on the right side of Johnny stands out from the crowd.
GREASE 2 GREASER#3
But...how can you be a virgin?! If you don’t have sex then the whole world will blow up!
He gets back into the crowd. Grease 2 Greaser#2, who’s standing next to Johnny on his right side, looks at Johnny.
GREASE 2 GREASER#2
Yo Johnny, how can you be a virgin?!
Johnny stands out from the crowd.
JOHNNY
Simple-I masturbate!
Grease-like music comes on in the background. Everybody bops their heads.
JOHNNY(SINGING) (CONT’D)
Who needs a man and a woman?!
When you can do it with one person?!
So, please don’t hate... But tonight...
GREASE 2 CAST (SINGING)
Were gonna masturbate!
The greasers, mad as hell, punch their fists.
GREASER#1
Let’s get’em, guys.
The greasers run towards them. The prissy white boy looks at Casey.
PRISSY WHITE BOY
Hey, aren’t we also in a love triangle where our friends won’t let us date because we come from two different worlds?
Pomerian and Ricky(wearing a hat that says “WTF?”), who are in front of the crowd, can’t believe what they are seeing.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
This has to be a joke! Were supposed to be the only kids in the musicals! Even though those other kids auditioned, we paid them to look bad so we could win!
RICKY ERICKSON
Maybe were getting punk’d! Maybe will meet Ashton!
Pomerian rolls her eyes and looks at Ricky.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
That show has been cancelled for two years, idiot!
Ricky tries to think of something else. He snaps his fingers.
RICKY ERICKSON
Maybe were on Scare Tactics! Maybe will meet Tracy!
Pomerian looks at him annoyed.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Look, unless it shows your gay let me do the hip dialogue for now...
Carter and the rest of the Kickball team except for Drake walk in and see the crowd at the bulletin board.
CARTER DONALDSON
Wait a minute, what the hell is going on?!
They walk through the crowd and push their way through them to the bulletin board. They see that Drake is in the callbacks and are surprised and mad about it because auditioning for the high school musical is out of the kicktball players nature.
CARTER DONALDSON (CONT’D)
Oh my god, this is worse than "From Justin to Kelly!"
Everybody looks at him weirdly because they didn't except a jock to see a musical.
CARTER DONALDSON
I mean, "Oh my god, this is worse than that singer, who I don't know because I don't listen to music, trying to pitch the ball in that baseball game in China".
He looks at everybody.
CARTER DONALDSON (CONT’D)
But let’s not talk about it here, everybody...let’s sing about it in the cafeteria!
Everyone runs to the cafeteria.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH CAFETERIA-DAY
The cafeteria is unusually large for a high school cafeteria. It’s as large as a mansion. Kids are sitting at different tables eating their lunch. In the front seats are Carter and the basketball team. There are two doors, one on each side of the cafeteria in the back, that lead to the place where the students get their food and put them on trays. There's a line at both of the doors. Two students holding lunch trays walk into the frame.
STUDENT IN CAFETERIA#1
Wow, they’ve really redone the cafeteria!
STUDENT IN CAFETERIA#2
Now all the students can eat here: how could they afford this?
They walk past the frame.
OFF-SCREEN VOICE
How could they cut chorus?!
6 girls dressed like they should be in the show, "The Hills" are sitting at a table looking at their cell phones texting nobody.
HILLS GIRL#1
Like OMG, did you hear about Drake trying out for The High School Musical?
HILLS GIRL#2
Like yeah, what an atrocity!
4 guys dressed like rabbi's are sitting at a table eating Bagles with little pieces of salmon in it.
JEWISH STUDENT#1
Did you hear about Drake trying out for the high school musical?
JEWISH STUDENT#2
Oy Vey!
4 kids, The Wannabes, which include two guys and two girls dressed like they are in Shakespearean times, are sitting at a seat talking two each other like they are in shakesperean time.
WANNABE#1
'Tis hear the herald's call that Drake the prince of the cats the noble man hath tried out for the high school musical which true that in this society hath been banish-ed.
WANNABE#2
'Tis me for can he thou not see that those two things are not together like a happy bride and groom 'bout 14 but are banish-ed from each other, two worlds apart? Hath he no right to see the peril of his actions?
The Kickball players and everyone are a little worried that Drake auditioned for the high school musical.
CARTER DONALDSON
I can’t believe Drake would skip kickball practice just to audition for the stupid musical!
RONNIE
I know, now I’m really questioning his sexuality!
KICKBALL PLAYER#5
It took you this long to question his sexuality? I’ve been questioning his sexuality ever since he said he liked Batman and Robin.
SYKE TRAYTON
Hey guys, maybe it isn’t so bad!
CARTER DONALDSON
Dude, he auditioned for the high school musical! Kickball and musicals have nothing to do with each other! It disrupts the natural order of things!
SYKE TRAYTON
Yeah, well he’s not the only player here who has an interest outside of kickball...
He gets up on the table getting the kickball players attention and the music for the upcoming song “Cliques are the way To Go” starts. Syke is singing about how he’s interested in science because he uses it to make meth labs.
I wrote a parody of musicals part 7
INT. -BALLET CLASS-DAY
A ballet class is going on and the ballerinas, wearing their tutu's, are holding onto the rail and doing a pleae. Drake sneaks in and looks to make sure no one's noticing him as he scurries out of there.
EXT. -BALLET CLASS-DAY
Drake walks out of the ballet class and sees a door going into the school kitchen. He walks around the halls trying to make himself unnoticeable but a bunch of students see him and look at him saying hi to him.
CHEERLEADERS (LOVINGLY)
Hi Drake.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Hi girls.
He walks past the cheerleaders.
He walks past two guys, one guy in a high five position, ready to say hi to them.
STUDENT IN HALLYWAY
Yo Drakey boy, wazzup?!
Drake high fives him and walks past him.
Ricky and Pomerian walk up to him and look at him lovingly.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
RICKY ERICKSON
Hi Drake.
Ricky grabs his ass.
RICKY ERICKSON (CONT’D)
Nice ass, Drake.
He let’s go of his ass.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Hi Pomerian and Ricky. Don’t grab my ass again, Ricky, I’m not gay.
He walks past them. He sees the kitchen to the cafeteria. He walks up there, sneaks into the door and goes into the school kitchen.
INT. -SCHOOL KITCHEN-DAY
The lunchladies and cafeteria workers are reenacting the scene in High School Musical 2 where the kids sing "Work this Out". Drake sneaks in there and tries to make sure no one's paying attention to him.
EXT. -SCHOOL KITCHEN-DAY
Drake walks out of the school kitchen and sees doorsteps near the school kitchen. He walks down the steps to the last floor of the high school. He walks around the last floor but the background is a bunch of inner-city kids spraying graffiti on the walls. He sees the car shop class.
INT. -CAR SHOP CLASS-DAY
A bunch of greasers are on the car while a greaser is standing on top of the hood singing "Grease Lightning". Drake sneaks in and passes them.
EXT. -GENE KELLY HIGH-DAY
Drake runs out of the car shop which lead to an entrance outside the school. He runs to the school steps where a bunch of kids are hanging out and runs on the school steps.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH-DAY
The school is almost deserted. Drake runs back in the school. He starts walking again and passes the auditorium then runs into a hallway near the auditorium. In the hallway is an exit out of the auditorium. A sign above the door says "Back in". He walks into the auditorium through the exit.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM BACKSTAGE-DAY
Drake runs into the backstage of the auditorium through the exit doors which have the sign "Exit" above it and sees a trashcan and hides behind it. He takes out a peice of gum and unwraps it. He puts the peice of gum in his mouth and throws the paper in the trash can.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(O.S.)(WHISPERS)
Hey asshole, watch where you're putting that thing!
Drake is surprised to hear Domonique's voice because he can't see her.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(WHISPERS)
Domonique?
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(O.S.)(WHISPERS)
Hi Drake.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(WHISPERS)
Domonique, where are you?
Domonique pops up out of the trashcan.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(WHISPERS)
I'm in the trashcan: what are you doing here?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(WHISPERS)
Watching the auditions then maybe getting up the courage to audition myself.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(WHISPERS)
Me too: is that why you're whispering.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(WHISPERS)
Yes...is that why you're whispering?
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(WHISPERING) (CONT’D)
No, I'm whispering because I killed somebody...no, I'm just kidding, that's why I'm whispering.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Students are sitting in rows of seats waiting to watch the auditions and talking. They are facing the auditorium stage. The judges, Mr. Jackson, who looks alot like Randy Jackson and Ms. Abdul, who looks alot like Paula Abdul are sitting behind a bench near the stage waiting for the other judge, Ms. Cowell, to come. There's an empty seat right next to where Ms. Abdul is sitting where Ms. Cowell is supposed to be sitting. In the background, there is a door. Casey Neilson, the short, nerdy pianist with low self-esteem is standing by the door waiting to tell the students “good luck”.
CASEY NEILSON
Good luck, everybody!
The kids who are auditioning come in and keep hitting the door on her. After it's done 4 times, she thinks it's done and over with. Then she sees it’s not over.
CASEY NEILSON (CONT’D)
Oh no, not again!
She starts running away but before she passes the other door, that door opens and she gets hit with it. After the door closes, Casey is on the ceiling flat as a a pancake. The judges are still waiting for Ms. Cowell to come in.
MR. JACKSON
Yo dog, where da hell is da nasty brit? We need to get this show's groove on if you know what I mean and we can't get it on without the nasty brit.
Ms. Abdul looks at him weirdly.
MS. ABDUL
What?
MR. JACKSON
I'm trying to talk black-see, I'm the black guy.
MS. ABDUL
Well, Randy, you're not doing a really good job at it. I mean, I like you and all but I just couldn't believe for a second that you were trying to sound gangsta.
MR. JACKSON
Okay, you can be judgemental now, but when the auditions start you have to be the impressionable bubbly chick who's really crazy, okay?
Ms. Cowell walks in and Ms. Jackson and Ms. Abdul look at her.
MR. JACKSON (CONT’D)
Damn! You late!
MS. COWELL
I know...I know...
She sits down on her seat and looks at them.
MS. COWELL (CONT’D)
Let's just get this over with, shall we?
INT. -HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL AUDITIONS THEME SONG
The Drama Club auditions theme song is played alot like the American Idol theme song but the logo says "High School Musical auditions" instead of American Idol.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ryan Seacrest is on the stage talking to the audience. A "High School Musical" logo is at the bottom of the screen looking like the American Idol logo. In the background is a giant big screen T.V. being held up by wires and a flight of stairs near a curtain pull.
RYAN SEACREST
Hello, I am Ryan Seacrest, host of pretty much everything: welcome to the High School Musical auditions where we have taken 20 students dreaming of stardom and see which one of them has what it takes. And the only way they can win the role is by...
On the stage is a little hole with a sea of piranha's in it.
RYAN SEACREST (O.S.)
Swimming in a pool of piranhas and survive! Or...
A prisoner wearing a red jailer suit is being guarded by two policeman.
RYAN SEACREST(O.S.)
Avoid becoming Big Chuck's bitch! Or...
Tilla Tequilla is standing on stage with her mouth open spraying breath refreshner in her mouth.
RYAN SEACREST(O.S.)
Having a shot at love with Tilla Tequilla!
She puts the breath refreshner down.
TILA TEQUILLA
I just broke up with my couch because he found out I was cheating on him with Chester, my dog.
Ryan Seacrest is on screen again.
RYAN SEACREST
Or watch E! News weekdays 7&11 p.m. Eastern and Saturdays at 7 P.M. eastern.
Ryan chuckles.
RYAN SEACREST
I'm just kidding, we wouldn't do anything that harsh. The contestants actually just sing to get in the show. But who is it? Who will be in the musical and get stardom while the other works in Burger King?
There is an audience of 300 members watching the auditions. Push-button polls pop up from behind the seats.
RYAN SEACREST (CONT’D) It's up for you to decide, America! Now let's go to our first contestant...she's a fat girl with big dreams of stardom: Everybody, please welcome, Jennifer!
The lights go down and the big-screen T.V. turns on with Jennifer in an interview room.
INT. -INTERVIEW ROOM-DAY
Jennifer is sitting in a seat in an interview room behind a big screen T.V.
JENNIFER WHITE
Hi, I'm Jennifer White and I want to win atleast one of the roles in the High School Musical-in fact, ever since I was a little kid I've wanted to win a role in the High School Musical but now that I'm in High School I've finally got my chance to shine.
She smiles.
JENNIFER WHITE(CONT’D)
I am going to dedicate the song to my boyfriend who---
She sees her boyfriend cheating on her.
JENNIFER WHITE
Is cheating on me?
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Jennifer's boyfriend is sitting in a seat making out with another girl.
INT. -INTERVIEW ROOM-DAY
Jennifer is sitting in a seat in an interview room behind a big screen T.V. Now she's angry because she just saw her boyfriend cheating on her.
JENNIFER WHITE (CONT’D)
Oh hell no! You know, I was dedicating this to you out of love but now I'm dedicating this song to you out of hate!
She gets up and she looks at him and tries to lunge to him but security guards come and push her back.
JENNIFER WHITE(SHOUTING) (CONT’D)
You hear me, you bastard, I hate you! How could you do this to me, you mother-----!
The screen turns off.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience is a little freaked out by what they saw.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ryan Seacrest, a little freaked out by what he saw, is standing on the stage.
RYAN SEACREST
Well, um, here's Jennifer everybody.
The curtains start to open as Ryan leaves.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience clap their hands.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Jennifer White is standing on the stage about to sing the song for the High School Musical, "Then There was You" dressed like Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls. Casey Neilson is sitting at the piano ready to play the tune of the song on the piano in the background. She looks at her boyfriend. A subtitle says at the bottom "Jennifer White, 14”. Casey starts playing the tune on the piano and Jennifer starts singing.
JENNIFER WHITE(SINGING)
(Singing “Then There was You” like she is singing “And I Am Telling You”)
Carly stops playing on the piano and the song ends. The audiences clap.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The judges aren't as impressed as the judges but Mr. Jackson and Ms. Abdul are still pretty impressed while Ms. Cowell isn't impressed at all.
MR. JACKSON
Yo girlfriend, you got a future in this business, dawg!
MS. ABDUL
I gotta say...it was pretty good. Hell, I wish I could sing that good: I wish I could rip out your vocal chords and put them in mine because, even though I'm a good dancer, my singing kind of sucks.
MS. COWELL
It was...
The audience boo's. After they boo, Ms. Cowell starts speaking again.
MS. COWELL
It was...
The audience boo's. After they boo, Ms. Cowell starts speaking again.
MS. COWELL
It was...
The audience boo's. Ms. Cowell gets annoyed with them. She turns around and looks at them madly.
MS. COWELL
Shut up and let me give my opinion! How the hell do you know what I'm going to say?!
She turns around and looks at Jennifer off-screen.
MS. COWELL
It was complete bullshit, The worst performance I've ever seen! Seriously, there have been many famous bad performances: Roseanne singing the national anthem...Janet Jackson showing her breasts at the super bowl...Britney's comeback at the MTV Video Music Awards...Bindi Irwin trying to rap...and as bad as all those performances were, none of them have even come close to how bad your performance was tonight.
The audience boo's.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Jennifer is really mad at Ms. Cowell's opinion. She breathes heavily and decides to stand up for herself.
JENNIFER WHITE
Well, I don't care what you say...I don't need the high school musical: I can achieve my dreams of stardom elsewhere. You know what I'm going to do...I'm going to go to Hollywood. I'm gonna star in a musical with Eddie Murphy and Beyonce. Then I'm going to star in a movie version of Lipstick Jungle!
She storms off madly. Her cell phone falls out of her pocket. She walks back in realizing her cell phone fell out of her pocket. She picks it up and puts it back in her pocket. She decides she's not done.
JENNIFER WHITE
Actually, I'm not done: I'm going to achieve stardom, you'll see...when you see my name in headlights, you're going to think, "Oh shit I should've realized she had potentional back when I saw her auditioning for the high school musical". You'll see!
A cane pulls her away off the stage. She walks back on.
JENNIFER WHITE
You'll all see! (As she's talking, a janitor comes with a handcart, uses it to put Jennifer on it then takes her away with the handcart) And I'm telling you! I'm going to be a star! One day, you'll all cheer for me!
Ryan is standing on the stage clapping for Jennifer.
RYAN SEACREST
Jennifer White, everybody! Now our next contestant is said to be the best dancer besides Pomerian and Ricky: now we couldn't get a clip of him because of timing purposes, but everybody, please welcome...Kevin Hamming!
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience clap their hands.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Kevin Hamming, who is dressed like Kevin Bacon and Zac Efron's character in Footloose, wheels in on a wheelchair because of an accident which made him into a cripple. A subtitle at the bottom says “Kevin Hamming, 17”
ALBURQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and the judges look disturbed.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ryan claps slowly then stops clapping altogether. He looks at Kevin.
RYAN SEACREST
Hey Kevin, I thought they said you were the best dancer in the school besides Pomerian and Ricky.
KEVIN HAMMING
I am.
RYAN SEACREST
But...you’re a cripple.
KEVIN HAMMING
Oh, this...yeah, I was dancing on a stage then fell off the stage and went into a coma for a week then it turned out I was okay except I broke my legs but, you know what, I may be a cripple but I can still dance...
RYAN SEACREST
Okay, well, let’s see what you got...
Ryan leaves. Casey starts playing the tune to Footloose. Kevin takes his legs and moves them around a bit to make it look like he’s dancing.
KEVIN HAMMING (SINGING)
Footloose...
Footloose...
Don’t know the words to the song!
Just know the tune!
A very upbeat tune!
Yes it is!
The tune is very good!
Footloose...
Footloose...
Footloose!
He nervously smiles.
KEVIN HAMMING (CONT’D)
So, how was that?
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The judges aren’t very impressed at all.
MR. JACKSON
Yo dog, I know you can’t help it but dat sucked, sorry...I had to say it.
MS. ABDUL
Kevin, I like you, you seem like a nice person, but, I don’t know, even I can’t say that was good: and I’m usually pretty optomistic about this stuff because I’m getting paid to but you’re just not as talented as you used to be.
MS. COWELL
Kevin, what the hell made you think you had a chance at doing this?! What I just saw was probably the stupidest thing since a worst movies list in a video store! What I saw just flashed “You’re an idiot” in my eyes. I’m sorry but, you’re performance was horrible!
The audience boo’s.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Kevin is sad that his performance didn't get good reviews.
KEVIN HAMMING
Yeah, well, maybe I can't dance anymore, but, um, I can do that!
RYAN SEACREST
What's "that" exactly?
KEVIN HAMMING
I have no idea, I just no it isn't dancing!
He rolls off the stage while the song "Never" by Moving Pictures plays on in the background.
INT. -WAITING ROOM-DAY
The song "Never" is still playing on in the background. Jennifer is sitting in the waiting room reading an Entertainment Weekly magazine. Kevin wheels in and does the punch dance scene from Footloose on the wall. He ends up ripping a peice on the wall and banging it on the wall repeatedly out of anger.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
The song stops. A girl is on the stage singing “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina” from Evita looking and dressing exactly like Madonna did in that movie. A subtitle at the bottom says "Susan Ritchie, 15"
Albuquerque, New Mexico
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and judges look really bored watching the performance. Ms. Cowell sees the stairs in the back of the stage and gets an idea.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
As the girl continues to sing, Ms. Cowell gets on the stage and walks to the stairs. She walks up the stairs and walks to the curtain pull. The singer continues to sing when the curtain comes crashing down on her and she falls down flat on her face.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Ms. Cowell is not at her seat but Mr. Jackson and Ms. Abdul are still at their seats.
MR. JACKSON
Yo dog, I have to say, why is that two students haven’t followed the rules and sang their own songs instead?! Read the poster, bitch!
MS. ABDUL
Wow, I have to say, you looked alot like Madonna and sang alot like her too...good job!
Ms. Cowell walks back in and sits down on her seat.
MS. COWELL
That’ll teach you to reenact a popular movie without changing a thing, bitch!
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ryan is suddenly on the stage and the curtains are suddenly closed. Ryan is clapping his hands.
RYAN SEACREST
Now our next contestant is a foreign exchange student who came all the way from the...get this...north pole to Albuquerque, New Mexico. No, he’s not an Eskimo, he’s a penguin!
He moves to the end of the stage. The curtains open up and the lights dim. The screen turns on to reveal the north pole.
INT. -NORTH POLE-DAY
The screen turns on to reveal the North Pole which is not filled with snow but actually looks like a beach. Cody Maverick, the penguin from Surfs Up, is surfing on a surfboard on the water. Santa Claus is lying on a towel getting a tan. A bunch of penguins walk into frame and waddle in a pack.
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)
They waddle...and waddle...and waddle...and they never stop waddling...
Morgan Freeman gets into frame and looks at the screen.
MORGAN FREEMAN (CONT’D)
But they used to waddle in snow...then global warming melted the snow so now they waddle in sand.
A Penguin is sitting in a boat sailing off to Hollywood.
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Some of them have even had to move to Hollywood to get work in CGI movies. One of them is on a kids show for Nickelodeon.
The camera is centered on Morgan again. He shudders because he finds that embarresing. He looks at the screen.
MORGAN FREEMAN (CONT’D)
Our contestant, Grumbles Hearstrong, also happens to live here.
INT. -INTERVIEW BOOTH-DAY
Grumbles the penguin, who is actually a penguin, is sitting in the interview room talking to the camera.
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Hi, I’m Grumbles Heartstrong.
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)
Hello Grumbles, I’m Morgan Freeman: can I ask you a few questions?
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Sure.
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)
Question 1:Why do you want to be in the musical?
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Well, I love to dance, and you know there’s plenty of that in musicals...sometimes there are musicals where they only sing not dance but I tend to avoid them.
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)
Question 2:What do you want to be when you grow up?
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Well, I wanna be a proffesional tap dancer...maybe if I become really famous I can make money off of it and become rich and famous: my family is in a bit of debt, in order to make ends meet they have to work all the way in Las Vegas where my mom works as a Marilyn Monroe impersonator and my dad works as an Elvis Presley impersonator.
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)
Okay, now Question 3:Why do you wake up?
Grumbles thinks that question is a very personal question and doesn’t need to be asked.
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Umm, why do you ask? Because that's a very odd question not to mention very simple: I wake up the same reason everybody wakes up. Because at night you sleep and in the day you wake up.
MORGAN FREEMAN
Sometimes we ask random things so they audience can get to know you better.
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Oh.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
The screen turns off. The lights turn on and Ryan claps. He stops clapping.
RYAN SEACREST
Grumbles the penguin, everybody!
He walks off the stage. Grumbles is on the stage but he's very nervous about auditioning. There are subtitles on the screen saying "Grumbles Hearstrong, 15 in Penguin years".
North Pole, Diameter
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and judges are waiting for him to do something.
MS. COWELL
So, Grumbles, can you please show us what you can do?
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Grumbles is still very nervous and fidgety. He takes a deep breath.
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Okay...
Grumbles starts tap dancing and he's tap dancing very good.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and judges are impressed by his tap dancing.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Grumbles is now dancing like he's dancing in Bowfire while he plays irish music on the violin.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and judges are getting really impressed by his dancing. Paula is dancing and clapping like a maniac.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Grumbles is now dancing to "The Caramelldansen" while the song plays in the background even doing the same dance to "The Caramelldansen". After dancing to the whole song, the song turns off and he bows.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and judges clap out of enjoyment.
MS. COWELL
Even I think that was good...and I hate everything: now before we give our opinion, though, can we see you sing?
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Grumbles, nervous because he can't really sing, takes a deep breath and gulps. Casey starts playing "Then there was you".
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG(SINGING BADLY) (Singing “Then There Was You’)
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
As he continues to sing, the audience and judges are ducking under the table or their seats wearing army helmets. Ms. Cowell peaks up and looks at him.
MS. COWELL
Stop it...stop it...stop singing!
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Grumbles stops singing and looks at him.
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Sorry about that, I'm not a great singer!
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Ms. Abdul peaks up and looks at him.
MS. ABDUL
Actually, you weren't that bad...try singing in a higher range.
Ms. Cowell looks at her madly.
MS. ABDUL (CONT’D)
What? It's the theatre, anything can happen...
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Grumbles decides to give it another shot. He takes a deep breath.
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Okay, I guess I can try that. (Singing loudly but still very badly)
(Singing “Then There Was You”)
The windows break because his singing is so bad. The fire alarm rings. The judges and audiences run out of the building like their lives depend on it. Grumbles blows up at a right angle. He blows up at a left angle. He blows up a top angle. He blows up at a bottom angle. He blows up at a back angle. He blows up and it's all done with. Blood and guts are lying everywhere around the auditorium. The students nervously walk back into the rooms and take their seats followed by the judges who sit back at their panel and start judging Grumbles.
MR. JACKSON
Yo dog, I have to say, you're dancing was good and all but you're singing sucked...you like Britney Spears before she went crazy.
MS. ABDUL
Yeah, I have to agree with him, you were a very good dancer but you're singing...no: even I can't say it was very good.
MS. COWELL
You're singing was horrible!
The audience boo's.
MS. COWELL (CONT’D)
When I scream, I sound better than your singing. (Screaming)And when I scream, it doesn't sound very good!
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ryan is on the stage clapping his hands. He stops clapping.
RYAN SEACREST
Now our next guests have been the stars in the musicals since Kindergarten, so why these other kids were auditioning, I have no idea. They're parents also own the local country club which all the students in this school have summer jobs at. So, without further ado,---.
He claps his hands.
RYAN SEACREST
Everybody, give a round of applause for Pomerian and Ricky!
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and judges clap their hands.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Pomerian and Ricky, who is wearing Sanjaya's mohawk, walk on the stage holding microphones. A subtitle that says "Pomerian and her creepy twin who might be gay, 16" is on the bottom of
Albuquerque, New Mexico
the screen.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Hi, I'm Pomerian Erickson and this is my brother, Ricky, who I have more talent in my little finger than.
Ricky, who is dressed like Ed Wood in an Angora Sweater, rolls his eyes.
POMERIAN ERICKSON (CONT’D)
Now, to sing the song, we won't need Casey to play the tune.
Casey, dumbfounded, looks at them.
CASEY NEILSON
What?!
Ricky is now wearing Sanjaya's long curly hair.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Sorry Casey, but we don't need a piano player: we've got the AV team to help provide background music and lyrics for us to lip synch.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The spotlight goes on the av club in the background who are sitting behind an effects machine. They wave their hands.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Pomerian and Ricky, who's now wearing Sanjaya's curly short hair, are standing on the stage.
CASEY NEILSON
Wait, can you do that?
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
MS. COWELL
I don't think you can do that.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ricky is now wearing a Peter Pan hat.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Were rich, we can do anything!
RICKY ERICKSON
We can fly!
A ballet class is going on and the ballerinas, wearing their tutu's, are holding onto the rail and doing a pleae. Drake sneaks in and looks to make sure no one's noticing him as he scurries out of there.
EXT. -BALLET CLASS-DAY
Drake walks out of the ballet class and sees a door going into the school kitchen. He walks around the halls trying to make himself unnoticeable but a bunch of students see him and look at him saying hi to him.
CHEERLEADERS (LOVINGLY)
Hi Drake.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Hi girls.
He walks past the cheerleaders.
He walks past two guys, one guy in a high five position, ready to say hi to them.
STUDENT IN HALLYWAY
Yo Drakey boy, wazzup?!
Drake high fives him and walks past him.
Ricky and Pomerian walk up to him and look at him lovingly.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
RICKY ERICKSON
Hi Drake.
Ricky grabs his ass.
RICKY ERICKSON (CONT’D)
Nice ass, Drake.
He let’s go of his ass.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Hi Pomerian and Ricky. Don’t grab my ass again, Ricky, I’m not gay.
He walks past them. He sees the kitchen to the cafeteria. He walks up there, sneaks into the door and goes into the school kitchen.
INT. -SCHOOL KITCHEN-DAY
The lunchladies and cafeteria workers are reenacting the scene in High School Musical 2 where the kids sing "Work this Out". Drake sneaks in there and tries to make sure no one's paying attention to him.
EXT. -SCHOOL KITCHEN-DAY
Drake walks out of the school kitchen and sees doorsteps near the school kitchen. He walks down the steps to the last floor of the high school. He walks around the last floor but the background is a bunch of inner-city kids spraying graffiti on the walls. He sees the car shop class.
INT. -CAR SHOP CLASS-DAY
A bunch of greasers are on the car while a greaser is standing on top of the hood singing "Grease Lightning". Drake sneaks in and passes them.
EXT. -GENE KELLY HIGH-DAY
Drake runs out of the car shop which lead to an entrance outside the school. He runs to the school steps where a bunch of kids are hanging out and runs on the school steps.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH-DAY
The school is almost deserted. Drake runs back in the school. He starts walking again and passes the auditorium then runs into a hallway near the auditorium. In the hallway is an exit out of the auditorium. A sign above the door says "Back in". He walks into the auditorium through the exit.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM BACKSTAGE-DAY
Drake runs into the backstage of the auditorium through the exit doors which have the sign "Exit" above it and sees a trashcan and hides behind it. He takes out a peice of gum and unwraps it. He puts the peice of gum in his mouth and throws the paper in the trash can.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(O.S.)(WHISPERS)
Hey asshole, watch where you're putting that thing!
Drake is surprised to hear Domonique's voice because he can't see her.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(WHISPERS)
Domonique?
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(O.S.)(WHISPERS)
Hi Drake.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(WHISPERS)
Domonique, where are you?
Domonique pops up out of the trashcan.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(WHISPERS)
I'm in the trashcan: what are you doing here?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(WHISPERS)
Watching the auditions then maybe getting up the courage to audition myself.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(WHISPERS)
Me too: is that why you're whispering.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY(WHISPERS)
Yes...is that why you're whispering?
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA(WHISPERING) (CONT’D)
No, I'm whispering because I killed somebody...no, I'm just kidding, that's why I'm whispering.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Students are sitting in rows of seats waiting to watch the auditions and talking. They are facing the auditorium stage. The judges, Mr. Jackson, who looks alot like Randy Jackson and Ms. Abdul, who looks alot like Paula Abdul are sitting behind a bench near the stage waiting for the other judge, Ms. Cowell, to come. There's an empty seat right next to where Ms. Abdul is sitting where Ms. Cowell is supposed to be sitting. In the background, there is a door. Casey Neilson, the short, nerdy pianist with low self-esteem is standing by the door waiting to tell the students “good luck”.
CASEY NEILSON
Good luck, everybody!
The kids who are auditioning come in and keep hitting the door on her. After it's done 4 times, she thinks it's done and over with. Then she sees it’s not over.
CASEY NEILSON (CONT’D)
Oh no, not again!
She starts running away but before she passes the other door, that door opens and she gets hit with it. After the door closes, Casey is on the ceiling flat as a a pancake. The judges are still waiting for Ms. Cowell to come in.
MR. JACKSON
Yo dog, where da hell is da nasty brit? We need to get this show's groove on if you know what I mean and we can't get it on without the nasty brit.
Ms. Abdul looks at him weirdly.
MS. ABDUL
What?
MR. JACKSON
I'm trying to talk black-see, I'm the black guy.
MS. ABDUL
Well, Randy, you're not doing a really good job at it. I mean, I like you and all but I just couldn't believe for a second that you were trying to sound gangsta.
MR. JACKSON
Okay, you can be judgemental now, but when the auditions start you have to be the impressionable bubbly chick who's really crazy, okay?
Ms. Cowell walks in and Ms. Jackson and Ms. Abdul look at her.
MR. JACKSON (CONT’D)
Damn! You late!
MS. COWELL
I know...I know...
She sits down on her seat and looks at them.
MS. COWELL (CONT’D)
Let's just get this over with, shall we?
INT. -HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL AUDITIONS THEME SONG
The Drama Club auditions theme song is played alot like the American Idol theme song but the logo says "High School Musical auditions" instead of American Idol.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ryan Seacrest is on the stage talking to the audience. A "High School Musical" logo is at the bottom of the screen looking like the American Idol logo. In the background is a giant big screen T.V. being held up by wires and a flight of stairs near a curtain pull.
RYAN SEACREST
Hello, I am Ryan Seacrest, host of pretty much everything: welcome to the High School Musical auditions where we have taken 20 students dreaming of stardom and see which one of them has what it takes. And the only way they can win the role is by...
On the stage is a little hole with a sea of piranha's in it.
RYAN SEACREST (O.S.)
Swimming in a pool of piranhas and survive! Or...
A prisoner wearing a red jailer suit is being guarded by two policeman.
RYAN SEACREST(O.S.)
Avoid becoming Big Chuck's bitch! Or...
Tilla Tequilla is standing on stage with her mouth open spraying breath refreshner in her mouth.
RYAN SEACREST(O.S.)
Having a shot at love with Tilla Tequilla!
She puts the breath refreshner down.
TILA TEQUILLA
I just broke up with my couch because he found out I was cheating on him with Chester, my dog.
Ryan Seacrest is on screen again.
RYAN SEACREST
Or watch E! News weekdays 7&11 p.m. Eastern and Saturdays at 7 P.M. eastern.
Ryan chuckles.
RYAN SEACREST
I'm just kidding, we wouldn't do anything that harsh. The contestants actually just sing to get in the show. But who is it? Who will be in the musical and get stardom while the other works in Burger King?
There is an audience of 300 members watching the auditions. Push-button polls pop up from behind the seats.
RYAN SEACREST (CONT’D) It's up for you to decide, America! Now let's go to our first contestant...she's a fat girl with big dreams of stardom: Everybody, please welcome, Jennifer!
The lights go down and the big-screen T.V. turns on with Jennifer in an interview room.
INT. -INTERVIEW ROOM-DAY
Jennifer is sitting in a seat in an interview room behind a big screen T.V.
JENNIFER WHITE
Hi, I'm Jennifer White and I want to win atleast one of the roles in the High School Musical-in fact, ever since I was a little kid I've wanted to win a role in the High School Musical but now that I'm in High School I've finally got my chance to shine.
She smiles.
JENNIFER WHITE(CONT’D)
I am going to dedicate the song to my boyfriend who---
She sees her boyfriend cheating on her.
JENNIFER WHITE
Is cheating on me?
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Jennifer's boyfriend is sitting in a seat making out with another girl.
INT. -INTERVIEW ROOM-DAY
Jennifer is sitting in a seat in an interview room behind a big screen T.V. Now she's angry because she just saw her boyfriend cheating on her.
JENNIFER WHITE (CONT’D)
Oh hell no! You know, I was dedicating this to you out of love but now I'm dedicating this song to you out of hate!
She gets up and she looks at him and tries to lunge to him but security guards come and push her back.
JENNIFER WHITE(SHOUTING) (CONT’D)
You hear me, you bastard, I hate you! How could you do this to me, you mother-----!
The screen turns off.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience is a little freaked out by what they saw.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ryan Seacrest, a little freaked out by what he saw, is standing on the stage.
RYAN SEACREST
Well, um, here's Jennifer everybody.
The curtains start to open as Ryan leaves.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience clap their hands.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Jennifer White is standing on the stage about to sing the song for the High School Musical, "Then There was You" dressed like Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls. Casey Neilson is sitting at the piano ready to play the tune of the song on the piano in the background. She looks at her boyfriend. A subtitle says at the bottom "Jennifer White, 14”. Casey starts playing the tune on the piano and Jennifer starts singing.
JENNIFER WHITE(SINGING)
(Singing “Then There was You” like she is singing “And I Am Telling You”)
Carly stops playing on the piano and the song ends. The audiences clap.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The judges aren't as impressed as the judges but Mr. Jackson and Ms. Abdul are still pretty impressed while Ms. Cowell isn't impressed at all.
MR. JACKSON
Yo girlfriend, you got a future in this business, dawg!
MS. ABDUL
I gotta say...it was pretty good. Hell, I wish I could sing that good: I wish I could rip out your vocal chords and put them in mine because, even though I'm a good dancer, my singing kind of sucks.
MS. COWELL
It was...
The audience boo's. After they boo, Ms. Cowell starts speaking again.
MS. COWELL
It was...
The audience boo's. After they boo, Ms. Cowell starts speaking again.
MS. COWELL
It was...
The audience boo's. Ms. Cowell gets annoyed with them. She turns around and looks at them madly.
MS. COWELL
Shut up and let me give my opinion! How the hell do you know what I'm going to say?!
She turns around and looks at Jennifer off-screen.
MS. COWELL
It was complete bullshit, The worst performance I've ever seen! Seriously, there have been many famous bad performances: Roseanne singing the national anthem...Janet Jackson showing her breasts at the super bowl...Britney's comeback at the MTV Video Music Awards...Bindi Irwin trying to rap...and as bad as all those performances were, none of them have even come close to how bad your performance was tonight.
The audience boo's.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Jennifer is really mad at Ms. Cowell's opinion. She breathes heavily and decides to stand up for herself.
JENNIFER WHITE
Well, I don't care what you say...I don't need the high school musical: I can achieve my dreams of stardom elsewhere. You know what I'm going to do...I'm going to go to Hollywood. I'm gonna star in a musical with Eddie Murphy and Beyonce. Then I'm going to star in a movie version of Lipstick Jungle!
She storms off madly. Her cell phone falls out of her pocket. She walks back in realizing her cell phone fell out of her pocket. She picks it up and puts it back in her pocket. She decides she's not done.
JENNIFER WHITE
Actually, I'm not done: I'm going to achieve stardom, you'll see...when you see my name in headlights, you're going to think, "Oh shit I should've realized she had potentional back when I saw her auditioning for the high school musical". You'll see!
A cane pulls her away off the stage. She walks back on.
JENNIFER WHITE
You'll all see! (As she's talking, a janitor comes with a handcart, uses it to put Jennifer on it then takes her away with the handcart) And I'm telling you! I'm going to be a star! One day, you'll all cheer for me!
Ryan is standing on the stage clapping for Jennifer.
RYAN SEACREST
Jennifer White, everybody! Now our next contestant is said to be the best dancer besides Pomerian and Ricky: now we couldn't get a clip of him because of timing purposes, but everybody, please welcome...Kevin Hamming!
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience clap their hands.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Kevin Hamming, who is dressed like Kevin Bacon and Zac Efron's character in Footloose, wheels in on a wheelchair because of an accident which made him into a cripple. A subtitle at the bottom says “Kevin Hamming, 17”
ALBURQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and the judges look disturbed.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ryan claps slowly then stops clapping altogether. He looks at Kevin.
RYAN SEACREST
Hey Kevin, I thought they said you were the best dancer in the school besides Pomerian and Ricky.
KEVIN HAMMING
I am.
RYAN SEACREST
But...you’re a cripple.
KEVIN HAMMING
Oh, this...yeah, I was dancing on a stage then fell off the stage and went into a coma for a week then it turned out I was okay except I broke my legs but, you know what, I may be a cripple but I can still dance...
RYAN SEACREST
Okay, well, let’s see what you got...
Ryan leaves. Casey starts playing the tune to Footloose. Kevin takes his legs and moves them around a bit to make it look like he’s dancing.
KEVIN HAMMING (SINGING)
Footloose...
Footloose...
Don’t know the words to the song!
Just know the tune!
A very upbeat tune!
Yes it is!
The tune is very good!
Footloose...
Footloose...
Footloose!
He nervously smiles.
KEVIN HAMMING (CONT’D)
So, how was that?
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The judges aren’t very impressed at all.
MR. JACKSON
Yo dog, I know you can’t help it but dat sucked, sorry...I had to say it.
MS. ABDUL
Kevin, I like you, you seem like a nice person, but, I don’t know, even I can’t say that was good: and I’m usually pretty optomistic about this stuff because I’m getting paid to but you’re just not as talented as you used to be.
MS. COWELL
Kevin, what the hell made you think you had a chance at doing this?! What I just saw was probably the stupidest thing since a worst movies list in a video store! What I saw just flashed “You’re an idiot” in my eyes. I’m sorry but, you’re performance was horrible!
The audience boo’s.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Kevin is sad that his performance didn't get good reviews.
KEVIN HAMMING
Yeah, well, maybe I can't dance anymore, but, um, I can do that!
RYAN SEACREST
What's "that" exactly?
KEVIN HAMMING
I have no idea, I just no it isn't dancing!
He rolls off the stage while the song "Never" by Moving Pictures plays on in the background.
INT. -WAITING ROOM-DAY
The song "Never" is still playing on in the background. Jennifer is sitting in the waiting room reading an Entertainment Weekly magazine. Kevin wheels in and does the punch dance scene from Footloose on the wall. He ends up ripping a peice on the wall and banging it on the wall repeatedly out of anger.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
The song stops. A girl is on the stage singing “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina” from Evita looking and dressing exactly like Madonna did in that movie. A subtitle at the bottom says "Susan Ritchie, 15"
Albuquerque, New Mexico
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and judges look really bored watching the performance. Ms. Cowell sees the stairs in the back of the stage and gets an idea.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
As the girl continues to sing, Ms. Cowell gets on the stage and walks to the stairs. She walks up the stairs and walks to the curtain pull. The singer continues to sing when the curtain comes crashing down on her and she falls down flat on her face.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Ms. Cowell is not at her seat but Mr. Jackson and Ms. Abdul are still at their seats.
MR. JACKSON
Yo dog, I have to say, why is that two students haven’t followed the rules and sang their own songs instead?! Read the poster, bitch!
MS. ABDUL
Wow, I have to say, you looked alot like Madonna and sang alot like her too...good job!
Ms. Cowell walks back in and sits down on her seat.
MS. COWELL
That’ll teach you to reenact a popular movie without changing a thing, bitch!
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ryan is suddenly on the stage and the curtains are suddenly closed. Ryan is clapping his hands.
RYAN SEACREST
Now our next contestant is a foreign exchange student who came all the way from the...get this...north pole to Albuquerque, New Mexico. No, he’s not an Eskimo, he’s a penguin!
He moves to the end of the stage. The curtains open up and the lights dim. The screen turns on to reveal the north pole.
INT. -NORTH POLE-DAY
The screen turns on to reveal the North Pole which is not filled with snow but actually looks like a beach. Cody Maverick, the penguin from Surfs Up, is surfing on a surfboard on the water. Santa Claus is lying on a towel getting a tan. A bunch of penguins walk into frame and waddle in a pack.
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)
They waddle...and waddle...and waddle...and they never stop waddling...
Morgan Freeman gets into frame and looks at the screen.
MORGAN FREEMAN (CONT’D)
But they used to waddle in snow...then global warming melted the snow so now they waddle in sand.
A Penguin is sitting in a boat sailing off to Hollywood.
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Some of them have even had to move to Hollywood to get work in CGI movies. One of them is on a kids show for Nickelodeon.
The camera is centered on Morgan again. He shudders because he finds that embarresing. He looks at the screen.
MORGAN FREEMAN (CONT’D)
Our contestant, Grumbles Hearstrong, also happens to live here.
INT. -INTERVIEW BOOTH-DAY
Grumbles the penguin, who is actually a penguin, is sitting in the interview room talking to the camera.
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Hi, I’m Grumbles Heartstrong.
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)
Hello Grumbles, I’m Morgan Freeman: can I ask you a few questions?
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Sure.
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)
Question 1:Why do you want to be in the musical?
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Well, I love to dance, and you know there’s plenty of that in musicals...sometimes there are musicals where they only sing not dance but I tend to avoid them.
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)
Question 2:What do you want to be when you grow up?
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Well, I wanna be a proffesional tap dancer...maybe if I become really famous I can make money off of it and become rich and famous: my family is in a bit of debt, in order to make ends meet they have to work all the way in Las Vegas where my mom works as a Marilyn Monroe impersonator and my dad works as an Elvis Presley impersonator.
MORGAN FREEMAN (V.O.)
Okay, now Question 3:Why do you wake up?
Grumbles thinks that question is a very personal question and doesn’t need to be asked.
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Umm, why do you ask? Because that's a very odd question not to mention very simple: I wake up the same reason everybody wakes up. Because at night you sleep and in the day you wake up.
MORGAN FREEMAN
Sometimes we ask random things so they audience can get to know you better.
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Oh.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
The screen turns off. The lights turn on and Ryan claps. He stops clapping.
RYAN SEACREST
Grumbles the penguin, everybody!
He walks off the stage. Grumbles is on the stage but he's very nervous about auditioning. There are subtitles on the screen saying "Grumbles Hearstrong, 15 in Penguin years".
North Pole, Diameter
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and judges are waiting for him to do something.
MS. COWELL
So, Grumbles, can you please show us what you can do?
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Grumbles is still very nervous and fidgety. He takes a deep breath.
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Okay...
Grumbles starts tap dancing and he's tap dancing very good.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and judges are impressed by his tap dancing.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Grumbles is now dancing like he's dancing in Bowfire while he plays irish music on the violin.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and judges are getting really impressed by his dancing. Paula is dancing and clapping like a maniac.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Grumbles is now dancing to "The Caramelldansen" while the song plays in the background even doing the same dance to "The Caramelldansen". After dancing to the whole song, the song turns off and he bows.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and judges clap out of enjoyment.
MS. COWELL
Even I think that was good...and I hate everything: now before we give our opinion, though, can we see you sing?
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Grumbles, nervous because he can't really sing, takes a deep breath and gulps. Casey starts playing "Then there was you".
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG(SINGING BADLY) (Singing “Then There Was You’)
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
As he continues to sing, the audience and judges are ducking under the table or their seats wearing army helmets. Ms. Cowell peaks up and looks at him.
MS. COWELL
Stop it...stop it...stop singing!
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Grumbles stops singing and looks at him.
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Sorry about that, I'm not a great singer!
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Ms. Abdul peaks up and looks at him.
MS. ABDUL
Actually, you weren't that bad...try singing in a higher range.
Ms. Cowell looks at her madly.
MS. ABDUL (CONT’D)
What? It's the theatre, anything can happen...
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
Grumbles decides to give it another shot. He takes a deep breath.
GRUMBLES HEARTSTRONG
Okay, I guess I can try that. (Singing loudly but still very badly)
(Singing “Then There Was You”)
The windows break because his singing is so bad. The fire alarm rings. The judges and audiences run out of the building like their lives depend on it. Grumbles blows up at a right angle. He blows up at a left angle. He blows up a top angle. He blows up at a bottom angle. He blows up at a back angle. He blows up and it's all done with. Blood and guts are lying everywhere around the auditorium. The students nervously walk back into the rooms and take their seats followed by the judges who sit back at their panel and start judging Grumbles.
MR. JACKSON
Yo dog, I have to say, you're dancing was good and all but you're singing sucked...you like Britney Spears before she went crazy.
MS. ABDUL
Yeah, I have to agree with him, you were a very good dancer but you're singing...no: even I can't say it was very good.
MS. COWELL
You're singing was horrible!
The audience boo's.
MS. COWELL (CONT’D)
When I scream, I sound better than your singing. (Screaming)And when I scream, it doesn't sound very good!
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ryan is on the stage clapping his hands. He stops clapping.
RYAN SEACREST
Now our next guests have been the stars in the musicals since Kindergarten, so why these other kids were auditioning, I have no idea. They're parents also own the local country club which all the students in this school have summer jobs at. So, without further ado,---.
He claps his hands.
RYAN SEACREST
Everybody, give a round of applause for Pomerian and Ricky!
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The audience and judges clap their hands.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Pomerian and Ricky, who is wearing Sanjaya's mohawk, walk on the stage holding microphones. A subtitle that says "Pomerian and her creepy twin who might be gay, 16" is on the bottom of
Albuquerque, New Mexico
the screen.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Hi, I'm Pomerian Erickson and this is my brother, Ricky, who I have more talent in my little finger than.
Ricky, who is dressed like Ed Wood in an Angora Sweater, rolls his eyes.
POMERIAN ERICKSON (CONT’D)
Now, to sing the song, we won't need Casey to play the tune.
Casey, dumbfounded, looks at them.
CASEY NEILSON
What?!
Ricky is now wearing Sanjaya's long curly hair.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Sorry Casey, but we don't need a piano player: we've got the AV team to help provide background music and lyrics for us to lip synch.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
The spotlight goes on the av club in the background who are sitting behind an effects machine. They wave their hands.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Pomerian and Ricky, who's now wearing Sanjaya's curly short hair, are standing on the stage.
CASEY NEILSON
Wait, can you do that?
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH AUDITORIUM-DAY
MS. COWELL
I don't think you can do that.
INT. -AUDITORIUM STAGE-DAY
Ricky is now wearing a Peter Pan hat.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Were rich, we can do anything!
RICKY ERICKSON
We can fly!
Saturday, August 9, 2008
I wrote a parody of musicals part 6
INT. -AUDITORIUM BACKSTAGE-DAY
All the kids that were given detention by Ms. Cowell are painting trees for the High School Musical. Ms. Cowell is walking around talking on her cell phone.
MS. COWELL
Mhmm...yeah...I know...I can so relate to that...Yeah, I know...It's so stupid I know...
Jack walks in madly.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY(MADLY)
Ms. Cowell, can I speak to you?!
Ms. Cowell, who’s still on her cell phone, sees him and rolls her eyes. She sighs.
MS. COWELL
Sorry, girlfriend, I'm gonna have to call you back.
Ms. Cowell turns her phone off and looks at Jack.
MS. COWELL (CONT’D)
What do you want, Jack?!
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Are you giving my boys detention?!
MS. COWELL
Well, they deserved it! They took out their cell phones in class! That's against the rules!
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Look, let's not fight now...let's take this to the principal like the grown up's we are.
MS. COWELL
Yeah, let's do it.
INT. -PRINCIPAL TAKI'S OFFICE-DAY
Principal Taki Tokashama is sitting behind his desk. On his desk is a plaque with his name on it and a "that was easy" button. Jack and Ms. Cowell run in like little kids trying to tattle on the principal and shouting "Mr. Principal". He sighs, annoyed at them.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA(ANNOYED)
Oh god, not again...
Jack and Ms. Cowell point to each other like little kids tattling on each other.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY MS. COWELL
She's giving my star plays detention. He's being an idiot.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA
What is it this time?!
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Mr. Principal, sir, she gave my star players detention because they took their cell phones out during class!
He walks toward his desk and looks at him in the eye.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Now, I don't give a crap whether it's against the rules or not...without Drake and Carter, our team is nothing! Well, it's actually two players missing but they're my best players and I can't let them miss one practice! And I'm not going to let them miss practice just so they can paint trees for the musical!
He pounces on the desk and accidently hits the "that was easy" button making it go off. After the button stops, everybody starts talking again.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA
Ms. Cowell, can I just say something?!
MS. COWELL
Yes?
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA
How dare you give our Kickball players detention! Without them, our team will suck!
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
That's what I've been saying!
MS. COWELL
This school seems to favor sports over the theater, doesn't it?
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA
No...No, it doesn't: all cliques are equal here.
The receptionist talks to the principal through the speaker phone.
RECEPTIONIST
Um, sir, the lacrosse team's field turns out to have bugs all over it so we need to put pesticides on it...where should the lacrosse team go?
Principal Taki presses the button and talks through the speaker phone.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA
Put them in the auditorium.
MS. COWELL
But...that's impossible: that's where the drama club meetings are held! Todays the drama club meeting!
The principal looks at her.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA
Oh, big whoop, so you'll have to cancel one meeting.
His cell phone rings. He stops them for one second.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA (CONT’D)
Oh, just one second please.
He takes out his cell phone and answers it.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA (CONT’D)
Hello. Hi. You did? You got tickets to the game? Sweet! What do you mean you can't go? Oh, forget the brat's play! Let's go to the game!
He turns off his phone and looks at them.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA (CONT’D)
Sorry about that: Anyway, Ms. Cowell, take Drake and Carter out of detention please because they're the two best players we have despite Drake being a 5 foot 9 white boy.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH GYM-DAY
The players of the Gene Kelly High crazy tigers are in the gym. There is still a line of players waiting for Ronnie to pitch the ball. Ronnie pitches the ball to Syke. Syke hits the ball causing it to hit a wire holding a chandelier that's on the wall causing the wire to break and the chandelier to fall on the floor. The players don't look happy about this. Drake and Carter walk in followed by Jack which causes the teammates to stop worrying about the chandelier and cheer. Then they run over to them.
SYKE TRAYTON
Hey Drake and Carter, you’re back, this is great!
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Okay, guys now that were back let’s do our hip-hop musical number routine for practice.
Hip-hop music comes out of nowhere and all the boys split up from one another including Drake and Carter. Then they get into a straight line and take out Kickballs. Then they spread their legs and dribble the ball like a basketball except for Drake who walks away from them and looks at the screen.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING) (CONT’D)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
The teammates stop what they are doing and crowd around him. Then they spread their legs and start dribbling the ball under their legs again.
TEAMMATES (SINGING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
Ronnie throws the ball to Drake causing Drake to kick the ball and look at the screen.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Oh yeah!
The teammates are still crowded around Drake spreading their legs and dribbling the ball.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING) (CONT’D)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
The teammates start dancing around him.
TEAMMATES (SINGING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
TEAMMATES (SINGING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
He starts to get nervous because he just referenced acting instead of Kickball.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING) (CONT’D)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
The annoying mascot, a guy in a tiger costume with cross eyes and a foam tongue sticking out, comes out of nowhere.
CRAZY TIGERS MASCOT (SINGING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
He leaves.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
TEAMMATES (SINGING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
TEAMMATES (SINGING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Yeah!
TEAMMATES (SINGING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
The song continues to play in the background but everybody stops singing. The team gets into two straight lines going right to left. The first straight line consists of Drake, Carter, and Ronnie. The second straight line consists of Syke and the other two players. Everybody claps their hands together and move their arms back and forth like an egyptian dancer to the music. Their arms let go of each other and drop back down. The first line moonwalks to the back and the the second team moonwalks to the front. Everybody turns to their sides and slides back to where they were. Everybody gets back in a huddle. Drake sticks his arm out. Carter sticks him arm out next to Drake's. Syke sticks his arm out next to Carter's. Ronnie sticks his arm out next to Syke's. Kickball player#4 sticks his arm out next to Ronnie's. Kickball player#5 sticks his arm out next to Kickball player#4's. Kickball player#6 sticks his arm out next to Kickball Player#5's. As they stick their arms out, it goes along with the beat. They all look at each other.
KICKBALL PLAYERS
Crazy Tigers!
The song stops. They raise their arms up.
KICKBALL PLAYERS
Woo!
Everyone is suddenly around the gym playing Kickball again lined up waiting for Ronnie to pitch the ball. Carter and Drake are at the water fountain. Carter is bending over at the water fountain drinking from it. Drake sighs and looks at him.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Hey Carter, I was thinking about trying out for the High School Musical.
Carter looks at him with disgust and spits a whole bottle's worth of water at him. The water contains some fish inside it.
CARTER DONALDSON
Man, this water sucks! What kind of water is it, salt water?!
He looks at him because he noticed he said something but didn't hear it because he was busy drinking from the fountain.
CARTER DONALDSON
Now, what did you just say?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
I said I was thinking about trying out for the high school musical.
Carter is holding a bucket of fried chicken to help wash away the taste of the bad water and eating a chicken leg but when he hears what Drake just said he spits parts of fried chicken all over Drake. Carter thinks Drake is crazy for wanting to try out for the high school musical because he's a jock. He walks over to Drake and looks at him straight in the eye.
CARTER DONALDSON
Are you serious?!
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Look, Carter, I know this is a little out of character but, I don't know, I just thought of maybe trying something new for once: besides, you gotta admit, Pomerian's kind of hot...in fact, sometimes when I'm alone, I take out a picture of her, take off my pants, and, well, you get the picture. But the reason I want to sing is definately not because I was forced to sing over the break...oh no!
CARTER DONALDSON
Look, dude, if god wanted athletes to sing he wouldn’t have made Kazaam. Athletes aren’t supposed to sing and dance...we’re supposed to play sports. Singing, dancing and acting is for the drama club, okay? Not the jocks. And are you an actor? No. So leave the acting roles alone.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
I know...it was just a thought.
CARTER DONALDSON
A really stupid thought.
A laugh track goes on. Coach Jack Mcprettyboy blows his whistle and looks at everybody.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Okay, everybody, practice is over!
Ronnie throws the ball to Drake and Drake catches it. All the kids start heading out towards the door including Drake and Carter. Domonique walks in through the back door and gets Drake’s attention. He throws the ball behind him and the ball starts heading towards Ronnie. Ronnie sees the ball heading towards him and screams the famous wilhelm scream.
RONNIE
Oh my god, is that really how I---?
The ball is about to hit him when Domonique jumps in, takes the ball and grabs it before the ball can hit Ronnie and goes down to the floor with the ball in her hand. Drake walks to her.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Nice catch.
Domonique gets up from the floor and looks at him holding the ball under her arm.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Thanks, Drake.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (CONT’D)
You're welcome. In fact, I have to say, if you were on the WNKA, they'd probably be alot more popular.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Thanks.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Where’d you learn to catch like that anyway? I mean Kickball’s not really your thing...
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Oh, just a science project where I had to find out how far a human being can be able to throw or kick.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Oh, that’s pretty cool...anyway, what are you doing here?
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
I got lost.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
See why it's good to have a tour of the school?
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Kinda but I'm still not going to take a tour...I really just want to figure it out all on my own.
All the kids except for Drake and Domonique are out of the gym. Jack walks in.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Hey, Drake, it’s time to go...
Drake looks at her.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Well, um, I have to go now...
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Okay, see you later...
EXT. -DRAKE’S HOUSE-DAY
Drake and his dad are playing kickball outside his house which has a brown roof and a white coloring. Jack is throwing the kickball to the garage door while Drake kicks the ball. Everytime he kicks it, Jack catches it and pitches it again. This repeats over and over again as they talk.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Hey, dad, you shouldn’t blame Cowell for getting me in detention-it wasn’t her fault, it was mine!
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
But wasn’t she the person who gave you detention in the first place?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
True but she did it because I took my cell phone out. You see, there’s this girl I saw during New Years Eve who I fell for and, as it turned out, she moved here and is going to our school and when you see a girl who you met on new years eve but has moved to your town and is going to your school, you don’t say hi to her or sit next to her, you take a picture of her on your camera phone and if you’re really popular all the students take out their phones and play with them-everyone does that!
Drake hits the ball but Jack grabs it madly because he doesn't think Drake should be paying attention to a girl thinking it will get his head out of the game.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Yeah, well I don’t think I like you hanging out with this Domonique chick: you know, girls can be foul, son, whether they mean it or not...sometimes they get you away from the game for their own needs like going to their parents house for dinner or spending time with your family.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
But, dad, the guys are always hitting on the cheerleaders and it hasn’t stopped them from getting their head in the game...Ronnie just knocked up Chelsea.
Alanna Mcprettyboytoy walks out of the house in a bathrobe looking very tired. A referee coming out of nowhere sees Allana and blows on his whistle and the game stops and fans who are sitting on stands that appear out of nowhere groan.
ALANNA MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Jack, it’s six in the morning: you and Drake have been playing all night long...Can you quit it for now so Drake can get ready for school?
Jack and Drake look at Alanna.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Oh, come on honey, can’t we play for five more minutes?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Can’t we, mom?
Alanna sighs.
ALANNA MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Alright.
Alanna goes back inside the house. Jack looks at Drake.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
See what I mean?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
I guess so. Hey dad, can I talk to you for a minute?
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Sure.
DRAKE MCPRETTBOYTOY
Hey dad, have you ever had a time where you had to make a rough decision in your life?
Coach Jack thinks he's coming out of the closet and gets worried.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Oh god, you're coming out of the closet, aren't you?! Domonique was just a cover for your true feelings, wasn't she?!
He takes out a samurai sword and points it to his chest.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
I knew this day was coming!
Drake quickly puts his hand on his arm worried because he's trying to kill himself.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Dad, it's not that!
Jack puts the sword down and looks at him.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Well, what is it son?
DRAKE MCPRETTBOYTOY
Well, I’ve been thinking...I think I wanna try out for the high school musical. I mean, I like Kickball and everything, but I also want to sing and find true love: mainly sing, but true love sounds fun too.
Jack can't believe what he's hearing. The referee blows his whistle madly and walks to them.
REFEREE
Ehh...fowl! You’re an athlete not an actor!
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Exactly what I was thinking: son, you’re not Zac Efron, so don’t try to be like him. You’re no singing and dancing boy, you’re a jock. I want you be the best kickball player at East High and I'm not going to let you sing and dance...I've worked hard to make sure you get where you are today: ever since you were a little kid i've been teaching you Kickball to make sure you're best...
FLASHBACK: A younger looking Jack is talking to an offscreen Drake holding a kickball in his hand. He is still outside and the house looks the same.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Okay, son, I think it's time I teach you how to play Kickball to make sure that when you grow up you get on the High School kickball team: now, let's start with the basics. In Kickball, you have to kick the ball. I will roll the ball and you will kick it, okay? Good.
He rolls the kickball. The off-screen Drake he was talking to is actually Drake as a baby. The ball hits him which causes him to cry. Jack walks to him mad because he didn't kick the ball.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Dammit Drake, I told you to kick the ball! Can't you do something as simple as that?! Now, don't you cry! You won't get anywhere with that attitude!
End Flashback.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
And I'm not just going to quit now just so you can be in some goddamn musical!
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (VERY SERIOUSLY)
Look, I like Kickball but I also wanna dance: can't I do both?
He storms off seriously. Jack looks at him wondering if he's really got a point or not.
INT. -SCHOOL HALLWAY-DAY
The school bell rings. A crowd of students walk out of their classes. Car horns honking are heard in the background.
OFF-SCREEN VOICE
Move out of the way, I gotta be in Art Class in 5 minutes or I'll be late and get detention!
Drake and Carter, who is dribbling a basketball, spring out from the crowd of kids. Drake looks at Carter.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Where'd you get the basketball from?
CARTER DONALDSON
It was in my backpack.
He looks at Drake.
CARTER DONALDSON (CONT’D)
So, dude, do you wanna go practice?
Drake sees the auditorium and it reminds him of the high school musical which he wants to try out for but is afraid to tell his friends he wants to. He looks at Carter.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Actually, I have some homework to do so I better do that.
Drake starts to leave. Carter can't believe what he's hearing.
CARTER DONALDSON
Wait a minute,---.
Carter runs up to Drake.
CARTER DONALDSON
Dude, what are you talking about? We have one to two classes a day then five off periods and it's only been 2 days since we came from break...you can't have that much Homework.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Yeah, well, I do...
Drake leaves but Carter can't believe what he just heard.
CARTER DONALDSON
No, it can't be...
Drake walks to a door and goes inside the room because he's trying to get as far away from Carter as possible so he can sneek into the auditorium. He goes inside the room.
All the kids that were given detention by Ms. Cowell are painting trees for the High School Musical. Ms. Cowell is walking around talking on her cell phone.
MS. COWELL
Mhmm...yeah...I know...I can so relate to that...Yeah, I know...It's so stupid I know...
Jack walks in madly.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY(MADLY)
Ms. Cowell, can I speak to you?!
Ms. Cowell, who’s still on her cell phone, sees him and rolls her eyes. She sighs.
MS. COWELL
Sorry, girlfriend, I'm gonna have to call you back.
Ms. Cowell turns her phone off and looks at Jack.
MS. COWELL (CONT’D)
What do you want, Jack?!
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Are you giving my boys detention?!
MS. COWELL
Well, they deserved it! They took out their cell phones in class! That's against the rules!
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Look, let's not fight now...let's take this to the principal like the grown up's we are.
MS. COWELL
Yeah, let's do it.
INT. -PRINCIPAL TAKI'S OFFICE-DAY
Principal Taki Tokashama is sitting behind his desk. On his desk is a plaque with his name on it and a "that was easy" button. Jack and Ms. Cowell run in like little kids trying to tattle on the principal and shouting "Mr. Principal". He sighs, annoyed at them.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA(ANNOYED)
Oh god, not again...
Jack and Ms. Cowell point to each other like little kids tattling on each other.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY MS. COWELL
She's giving my star plays detention. He's being an idiot.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA
What is it this time?!
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Mr. Principal, sir, she gave my star players detention because they took their cell phones out during class!
He walks toward his desk and looks at him in the eye.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Now, I don't give a crap whether it's against the rules or not...without Drake and Carter, our team is nothing! Well, it's actually two players missing but they're my best players and I can't let them miss one practice! And I'm not going to let them miss practice just so they can paint trees for the musical!
He pounces on the desk and accidently hits the "that was easy" button making it go off. After the button stops, everybody starts talking again.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA
Ms. Cowell, can I just say something?!
MS. COWELL
Yes?
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA
How dare you give our Kickball players detention! Without them, our team will suck!
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
That's what I've been saying!
MS. COWELL
This school seems to favor sports over the theater, doesn't it?
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA
No...No, it doesn't: all cliques are equal here.
The receptionist talks to the principal through the speaker phone.
RECEPTIONIST
Um, sir, the lacrosse team's field turns out to have bugs all over it so we need to put pesticides on it...where should the lacrosse team go?
Principal Taki presses the button and talks through the speaker phone.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA
Put them in the auditorium.
MS. COWELL
But...that's impossible: that's where the drama club meetings are held! Todays the drama club meeting!
The principal looks at her.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA
Oh, big whoop, so you'll have to cancel one meeting.
His cell phone rings. He stops them for one second.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA (CONT’D)
Oh, just one second please.
He takes out his cell phone and answers it.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA (CONT’D)
Hello. Hi. You did? You got tickets to the game? Sweet! What do you mean you can't go? Oh, forget the brat's play! Let's go to the game!
He turns off his phone and looks at them.
PRINCIPAL TAKI TOKASHAMA (CONT’D)
Sorry about that: Anyway, Ms. Cowell, take Drake and Carter out of detention please because they're the two best players we have despite Drake being a 5 foot 9 white boy.
INT. -GENE KELLY HIGH GYM-DAY
The players of the Gene Kelly High crazy tigers are in the gym. There is still a line of players waiting for Ronnie to pitch the ball. Ronnie pitches the ball to Syke. Syke hits the ball causing it to hit a wire holding a chandelier that's on the wall causing the wire to break and the chandelier to fall on the floor. The players don't look happy about this. Drake and Carter walk in followed by Jack which causes the teammates to stop worrying about the chandelier and cheer. Then they run over to them.
SYKE TRAYTON
Hey Drake and Carter, you’re back, this is great!
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Okay, guys now that were back let’s do our hip-hop musical number routine for practice.
Hip-hop music comes out of nowhere and all the boys split up from one another including Drake and Carter. Then they get into a straight line and take out Kickballs. Then they spread their legs and dribble the ball like a basketball except for Drake who walks away from them and looks at the screen.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING) (CONT’D)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
The teammates stop what they are doing and crowd around him. Then they spread their legs and start dribbling the ball under their legs again.
TEAMMATES (SINGING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
Ronnie throws the ball to Drake causing Drake to kick the ball and look at the screen.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Oh yeah!
The teammates are still crowded around Drake spreading their legs and dribbling the ball.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING) (CONT’D)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
The teammates start dancing around him.
TEAMMATES (SINGING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
TEAMMATES (SINGING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
He starts to get nervous because he just referenced acting instead of Kickball.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING) (CONT’D)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
The annoying mascot, a guy in a tiger costume with cross eyes and a foam tongue sticking out, comes out of nowhere.
CRAZY TIGERS MASCOT (SINGING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
He leaves.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
TEAMMATES (SINGING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (LYP SINCHING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
TEAMMATES (SINGING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Yeah!
TEAMMATES (SINGING)
(Singing “Get in the Zone”)
The song continues to play in the background but everybody stops singing. The team gets into two straight lines going right to left. The first straight line consists of Drake, Carter, and Ronnie. The second straight line consists of Syke and the other two players. Everybody claps their hands together and move their arms back and forth like an egyptian dancer to the music. Their arms let go of each other and drop back down. The first line moonwalks to the back and the the second team moonwalks to the front. Everybody turns to their sides and slides back to where they were. Everybody gets back in a huddle. Drake sticks his arm out. Carter sticks him arm out next to Drake's. Syke sticks his arm out next to Carter's. Ronnie sticks his arm out next to Syke's. Kickball player#4 sticks his arm out next to Ronnie's. Kickball player#5 sticks his arm out next to Kickball player#4's. Kickball player#6 sticks his arm out next to Kickball Player#5's. As they stick their arms out, it goes along with the beat. They all look at each other.
KICKBALL PLAYERS
Crazy Tigers!
The song stops. They raise their arms up.
KICKBALL PLAYERS
Woo!
Everyone is suddenly around the gym playing Kickball again lined up waiting for Ronnie to pitch the ball. Carter and Drake are at the water fountain. Carter is bending over at the water fountain drinking from it. Drake sighs and looks at him.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Hey Carter, I was thinking about trying out for the High School Musical.
Carter looks at him with disgust and spits a whole bottle's worth of water at him. The water contains some fish inside it.
CARTER DONALDSON
Man, this water sucks! What kind of water is it, salt water?!
He looks at him because he noticed he said something but didn't hear it because he was busy drinking from the fountain.
CARTER DONALDSON
Now, what did you just say?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
I said I was thinking about trying out for the high school musical.
Carter is holding a bucket of fried chicken to help wash away the taste of the bad water and eating a chicken leg but when he hears what Drake just said he spits parts of fried chicken all over Drake. Carter thinks Drake is crazy for wanting to try out for the high school musical because he's a jock. He walks over to Drake and looks at him straight in the eye.
CARTER DONALDSON
Are you serious?!
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Look, Carter, I know this is a little out of character but, I don't know, I just thought of maybe trying something new for once: besides, you gotta admit, Pomerian's kind of hot...in fact, sometimes when I'm alone, I take out a picture of her, take off my pants, and, well, you get the picture. But the reason I want to sing is definately not because I was forced to sing over the break...oh no!
CARTER DONALDSON
Look, dude, if god wanted athletes to sing he wouldn’t have made Kazaam. Athletes aren’t supposed to sing and dance...we’re supposed to play sports. Singing, dancing and acting is for the drama club, okay? Not the jocks. And are you an actor? No. So leave the acting roles alone.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
I know...it was just a thought.
CARTER DONALDSON
A really stupid thought.
A laugh track goes on. Coach Jack Mcprettyboy blows his whistle and looks at everybody.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Okay, everybody, practice is over!
Ronnie throws the ball to Drake and Drake catches it. All the kids start heading out towards the door including Drake and Carter. Domonique walks in through the back door and gets Drake’s attention. He throws the ball behind him and the ball starts heading towards Ronnie. Ronnie sees the ball heading towards him and screams the famous wilhelm scream.
RONNIE
Oh my god, is that really how I---?
The ball is about to hit him when Domonique jumps in, takes the ball and grabs it before the ball can hit Ronnie and goes down to the floor with the ball in her hand. Drake walks to her.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Nice catch.
Domonique gets up from the floor and looks at him holding the ball under her arm.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Thanks, Drake.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (CONT’D)
You're welcome. In fact, I have to say, if you were on the WNKA, they'd probably be alot more popular.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Thanks.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Where’d you learn to catch like that anyway? I mean Kickball’s not really your thing...
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Oh, just a science project where I had to find out how far a human being can be able to throw or kick.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Oh, that’s pretty cool...anyway, what are you doing here?
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
I got lost.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
See why it's good to have a tour of the school?
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Kinda but I'm still not going to take a tour...I really just want to figure it out all on my own.
All the kids except for Drake and Domonique are out of the gym. Jack walks in.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Hey, Drake, it’s time to go...
Drake looks at her.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Well, um, I have to go now...
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Okay, see you later...
EXT. -DRAKE’S HOUSE-DAY
Drake and his dad are playing kickball outside his house which has a brown roof and a white coloring. Jack is throwing the kickball to the garage door while Drake kicks the ball. Everytime he kicks it, Jack catches it and pitches it again. This repeats over and over again as they talk.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Hey, dad, you shouldn’t blame Cowell for getting me in detention-it wasn’t her fault, it was mine!
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
But wasn’t she the person who gave you detention in the first place?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
True but she did it because I took my cell phone out. You see, there’s this girl I saw during New Years Eve who I fell for and, as it turned out, she moved here and is going to our school and when you see a girl who you met on new years eve but has moved to your town and is going to your school, you don’t say hi to her or sit next to her, you take a picture of her on your camera phone and if you’re really popular all the students take out their phones and play with them-everyone does that!
Drake hits the ball but Jack grabs it madly because he doesn't think Drake should be paying attention to a girl thinking it will get his head out of the game.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Yeah, well I don’t think I like you hanging out with this Domonique chick: you know, girls can be foul, son, whether they mean it or not...sometimes they get you away from the game for their own needs like going to their parents house for dinner or spending time with your family.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
But, dad, the guys are always hitting on the cheerleaders and it hasn’t stopped them from getting their head in the game...Ronnie just knocked up Chelsea.
Alanna Mcprettyboytoy walks out of the house in a bathrobe looking very tired. A referee coming out of nowhere sees Allana and blows on his whistle and the game stops and fans who are sitting on stands that appear out of nowhere groan.
ALANNA MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Jack, it’s six in the morning: you and Drake have been playing all night long...Can you quit it for now so Drake can get ready for school?
Jack and Drake look at Alanna.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Oh, come on honey, can’t we play for five more minutes?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Can’t we, mom?
Alanna sighs.
ALANNA MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Alright.
Alanna goes back inside the house. Jack looks at Drake.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
See what I mean?
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
I guess so. Hey dad, can I talk to you for a minute?
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Sure.
DRAKE MCPRETTBOYTOY
Hey dad, have you ever had a time where you had to make a rough decision in your life?
Coach Jack thinks he's coming out of the closet and gets worried.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Oh god, you're coming out of the closet, aren't you?! Domonique was just a cover for your true feelings, wasn't she?!
He takes out a samurai sword and points it to his chest.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
I knew this day was coming!
Drake quickly puts his hand on his arm worried because he's trying to kill himself.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Dad, it's not that!
Jack puts the sword down and looks at him.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Well, what is it son?
DRAKE MCPRETTBOYTOY
Well, I’ve been thinking...I think I wanna try out for the high school musical. I mean, I like Kickball and everything, but I also want to sing and find true love: mainly sing, but true love sounds fun too.
Jack can't believe what he's hearing. The referee blows his whistle madly and walks to them.
REFEREE
Ehh...fowl! You’re an athlete not an actor!
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Exactly what I was thinking: son, you’re not Zac Efron, so don’t try to be like him. You’re no singing and dancing boy, you’re a jock. I want you be the best kickball player at East High and I'm not going to let you sing and dance...I've worked hard to make sure you get where you are today: ever since you were a little kid i've been teaching you Kickball to make sure you're best...
FLASHBACK: A younger looking Jack is talking to an offscreen Drake holding a kickball in his hand. He is still outside and the house looks the same.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Okay, son, I think it's time I teach you how to play Kickball to make sure that when you grow up you get on the High School kickball team: now, let's start with the basics. In Kickball, you have to kick the ball. I will roll the ball and you will kick it, okay? Good.
He rolls the kickball. The off-screen Drake he was talking to is actually Drake as a baby. The ball hits him which causes him to cry. Jack walks to him mad because he didn't kick the ball.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Dammit Drake, I told you to kick the ball! Can't you do something as simple as that?! Now, don't you cry! You won't get anywhere with that attitude!
End Flashback.
COACH JACK MCPRETTYBOYTOY
And I'm not just going to quit now just so you can be in some goddamn musical!
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY (VERY SERIOUSLY)
Look, I like Kickball but I also wanna dance: can't I do both?
He storms off seriously. Jack looks at him wondering if he's really got a point or not.
INT. -SCHOOL HALLWAY-DAY
The school bell rings. A crowd of students walk out of their classes. Car horns honking are heard in the background.
OFF-SCREEN VOICE
Move out of the way, I gotta be in Art Class in 5 minutes or I'll be late and get detention!
Drake and Carter, who is dribbling a basketball, spring out from the crowd of kids. Drake looks at Carter.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Where'd you get the basketball from?
CARTER DONALDSON
It was in my backpack.
He looks at Drake.
CARTER DONALDSON (CONT’D)
So, dude, do you wanna go practice?
Drake sees the auditorium and it reminds him of the high school musical which he wants to try out for but is afraid to tell his friends he wants to. He looks at Carter.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Actually, I have some homework to do so I better do that.
Drake starts to leave. Carter can't believe what he's hearing.
CARTER DONALDSON
Wait a minute,---.
Carter runs up to Drake.
CARTER DONALDSON
Dude, what are you talking about? We have one to two classes a day then five off periods and it's only been 2 days since we came from break...you can't have that much Homework.
DRAKE MCPRETTYBOYTOY
Yeah, well, I do...
Drake leaves but Carter can't believe what he just heard.
CARTER DONALDSON
No, it can't be...
Drake walks to a door and goes inside the room because he's trying to get as far away from Carter as possible so he can sneek into the auditorium. He goes inside the room.
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