INT. -BIOLOGY CLASS-DAY
A bunch of students are sitting behind desks in rows in biology class. In the front row is Domonique, Casey and a bunch of extras that are sitting next to her. In the middle row is Pomerian who is sitting next to her brother, Ricky, who is now wearing a Mickey Mouse hat, who is sitting next to a bunch of extras. In the back row, a bunch of kids are sitting next to each other. All the kids have plants on their desks but one kid, Casey Neilson, the nerdy pianist, who is sitting next to Domonique has a plant that looks like Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors. She is raising her hand trying to get the teacher's attention but the teacher ignores her. The teacher is looking at the class.
BIOLOGY TEACHER
Hello, class, and welcome to Biology: as you can see, I put plants on your desks. Why did I put plants on your desks? Today we will be learning about---.
The teacher takes a peice of chalk and faces the board and writes "Plant Reproduction". Then he draws a flower and all it's features and says "Plant Reproduction" as he's writing on the board.
BIOLOGY TEACHER
Now, class, in the process of Reproduction--.
The song "Reproduction" from Grease 2 starts in the background and he starts to sing "Reproduction".
BIOLOGY TEACHER(SINGING)
The parts of a flower are so constructed that very, very often the wind will cause pollination. If not, then a bee or any other nectar gathering creature can create the same situation. Yes, anything that gets the pollen to the pistils, write it on the list. I'll try to make it crystal-clear: The flower's insatiable passion turns its life into a circus of debauchery!
Casey is still raising her hand and trying to get the teacher's attention but the plant eats her arm off. She screams as he keeps singing "Reproduction" off-screen. Three sorority girls are sitting together. The Biology teacher looks at them. The song contiunes in the background as he starts talking again.
BIOLOGY TEACHER
We call this quest for satisfaction a what, class?
SORORITY GIRLS
A Photo Period reaction!
BIOLOGY TEACHER
Oh, that's good, that's very good.
A guy with glasses and a shirt that says "Born to Roll" with a tire on the shirt and kaki pants walks in.
TOURIST
Hey, I'm lost, where am I?
BIOLOGY TEACHER
Chapter 2, Page 5.
Everybody springs up from the tables and jumps on the table and starts singing and dancing.
STUDENTS(SINGING)
Reproduction, reproduction!
A student holding a bag of condoms wearing nothing but his underwear looks at everybody smirkily. Everybody stops dancing.
HORNY STUDENT(SINGING)
Put your pollen tube to work!
Everybody starts dancing again. One guy is playing a guitar on his desk.
STUDENTS(SINGING)
Reproduction, Reproduction!
The horny student walks over to a hot chick standing on her desk. He crawls up on her desk and looks at her lustily.
HORNY STUDENT(SINGING)
Make my stamen go beserk!
The girl pushes him off her desk. The students start dancing again.
STUDENTS(SINGING)
Reproduction, Reproduction!
The plant now has Casey in it's mouth except for her legs clapping along to the music. Everybody stops and a girl standing on her desk looks at them worried.
TEENAGE GIRL
I don't even know what a pistil is!
The music stops. Nobody in the room actually knows what a pistil is. The teenage girl looks at the biology teacher.
TEENAGE GIRL
Mr. Littlebat, do you know what a pistil is?
BIOLOGY TEACHER
Yes, it's the female flower. In the female flower, the stigma is connected to the ovary by the style.
Domonique raises her hand up high. The biology teacher looks at Domonique.
BIOLOGY TEACHER
Yes, Ms. Lopenzia?
Domonique puts her hand down.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
Sir, that's the wrong answer!
BIOLOGY TEACHER
Ms. Lopenzia, I studied this stuff, I should know what a pistil is.
DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA
But Mr. Littlebat, The Carpel's the female flower not the pistil.
Domonique walks over to the board and starts singing "Reproduction" again but now she sings about how the carpel, which is actually another name for the pistil, is the female flower and sings more about the female flower then starts singing about how flowers are asexual. Everybody starts dancing again as the music plays. They start singing again.
STUDENTS(SINGING)
Reproduction, reproduction!
The horny student is standing on the desk looking at a very hot chick and looks at her lustfully.
HORNY STUDENT(SINGING)
Baby, give it to me now!
STUDENTS(SINGING)
Reproduction, Reproduction!
HOT CHICK(SINGING)
Is that all you think about?
STUDENTS(SINGING)
Reproduction!
The horny student pretends he's humping something to the girl even though he's a few spaces away from the girl.
HORNY STUDENT(SINGING)
Come on baby show me that you really love me so!
The Hot chick just looks at him disgustingly.
HOT CHICK(SINGING)
Ohhh, I think I'm gonna throw up!
The students duck and Pomerian stands up and sings in a baritone voice.
POMERIAN ERICKSON(SINGING)
How did you know that, ho?! The song ends.
Everyone pops down back in their seats. Domonique walks back to her seat and sits down.
BIOLOGY TEACHER
Now that we've learned the process of Asexual Reproduction in only---.
He pulls down his sleeve and checks his watch. Then he looks at his students.
BIOLOGY TEACHER
5 minutes, let's learn about the process of Sexual Reproduction in the next 5 minutes we have!
The plant now has Casey's shoe in his mouth. The students jump back on their desks and get into a pose. Casey jumps out of the plant's mouth as they jump up and get in their pose.
STUDENTS(SINGING)
Reproduction!
The Biology teacher looks at them annoyed because he doesn't want to sing anymore.
BIOLOGY TEACHER
Umm...no! Sorry, but trying to reach a high note almost gave my laryngitis.
The students pop back down to their seats including Pomerian and Ricky. Pomerian looks at Ricky, who is now wearing a cowboy hat, dumbfounded because Domonique knew more about plant reproduction than the teacher did.
RICKY ERICKSON
Holy Friar Lawrence, Pomerian! She knew that! I didn't know that! She must have some secret like she's a science geek or something!
Pomerian gets an evil thought in her mind and looks at her brother evily.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Maybe the internet can tell us!
Ricky stands up and points to the sky
RICKY ERICKSON
To the internet!
INT. -BLANK SCREEN
Like the old Batman series, a Drama Club sign spins up and spins out.
INT. -COMPUTER ROOM-DAY
Pomerian and Ricky, who is now wearing a detective hat, are sitting at a computer in the computer room trying to get some scoop on Domonique. They type in her name and see if there's search results. As it turns out, there are tons of search results for Domonique Lopenzia.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Hmm...let's see: Domonique Lopenzia's nude photo.
On the internet, Domonique is shown in a room posing as Irene Cara in her nude scene in Fame. The point of view goes back to Pomerian and Ricky.
POMERIAN ERICKSON (CONT’D)
Domonique and Zac on again off again on again off again. Domonique cheats on some c-list actor who was Alyson Michalka's boyfriend. Vannesa helps the Thunderbirds stop Ben Kingsley from doing Bloodrayne 2. Domonique solves hunger in Africa. Domonique opens homeless shelters. Domonique hits the guy who beat her at the spelling bee with one point with a baseball bat. Domonique wins the 50th annual Young Brainiacs Awards. Hmm...this looks interesting.
She clicks on the link saying that. On the computer, you see a headline saying "Domonique wins the 50th annual Young Brainiacs Awards" with a picture of Domonique looking at the camera smiling and holding a trophy. The words are a bunch of squiggles.
POMERIAN ERICKSON (CONT’D)
Domonique wins the 50th annual Young Brainiacs Awards by Preson Astoc.Squiggle...Squiggle...Squiggle...Squiggle...Squiggle...Squiggle... Squiggle...Squiggle...Squiggle...Squiggle...Squiggle...Squiggle...Squiggle... Squiggle...Aha! I knew it! I knew she looked familiar!
Ricky looks at her weirdly because he didn't know she followed the Young Brainiacs Decathalon.
RICKY ERICKSON
You did?
Pomerian looks at him mischievously.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
No, But this is great! Now let's go to her house...
RICKY ERICKSON
Why?
Pomerian lits her eyes and looks at him madly.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
To find some more proof about this whole science geek thing, okay, now just shut up.
RICKY ERICKSON
But isn't this enough---?
Pomerian looks at him really angry.
POMERIAN ERICKSON(ANGRY)
Shut up, Ricky!
She calms down.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Now lets go reproduce a plan of our own to get Domonique in trouble.
Crickets chirp in the background.
INT. -DOMONIQUE LOPENZIA’S HOUSE-DAY
The inside of the house is painted white including the door and the closet. Next to the closet is a coat rack where coats have been hung up. The doorbell rings. Mrs. Lopenzia walks to the door and opens it to find Pomerian and Ricky dressed like hispanic workers. They are wearing white suits and hats and they have dirty sanchez-like moustaches on above their lips.
POMERIAN ERICKSON (IN A HORRIBLE SPANISH ACCENT)
Hello, senorita, did you call for someone to clean your basement?
MRS. LOPENZIA
Sorry, mom and dad,I don’t have a basement.
RICKY ERICKSON (IN A HORRIBLE SPANISH ACCENT)
Garage?
MRS. LOPENZIA
Yes, I have a garage.
POMERIAN ERICKSON (IN A HORRIBLE SPANISH ACCENT)
Yes, we are here to clean that.
MRS. LOPENZIA
Look, I'm really sorry, but I didn’t call for someone to clean my garage...
RICKY ERICKSON (IN A HORRIBLE SPANISH ACCENT)
Uh...yes, you did?
MRS. LOPENZIA
I think you have the wrong house. This is 21 Glamford avenue. Were you possibly looking for 31 Glamford avenue?
Pomerian takes out a gun and points it to her head.
POMERIAN ERICKSON (IN A HORRIBLE SPANISH ACCENT)
No, I'm positive that we have the right adress!
MRS. LOPENZIA
Okay, okay, you have the right address...just don't kill me, okay?
POMERIAN ERICKSON (IN A HORRIBLE SPANISH ACCENT)
So, where’s your garage?
MRS. LOPENZIA
There's a hatch upstairs that leads to the garage.
Pomerian takes the gun away from her head.
POMERIAN ERICKSON (IN A HORRIBLE SPANISH ACCENT)
Thank you very much, senorita.
Pomerian sees in the back of the living room is a gigantic trophy case covered by a glass wall. In the trophy case, the trophy Domonique won for the 50th annual young brainiacs decathalon” is sitting on a trophy easel. The trophy case is being guarded by two guards with infer red also guarding the trophy case and sirens going off. Pomerian looks at Mrs. Lopenzia.
POMERIAN ERICKSON (IN A HORRIBLE SPANISH ACCENT) (CONT’D)
Ehh, senorita, that trophy case looks dirty-I think we need to take it back to our office and clean it up a bit.
MRS. LOPENZIA
Dirty? How would it be dirty? It hasn’t been taken out of the trophy case since it was put there.
RICKY ERICKSON (IN A HORRIBLE SPANISH ACCENT)
Look, senorita, I know what you’re saying but if you think about it, never cleaning it could actually make it dirty. You could have...uh...cobwebs around it.
MRS. LOPENZIA
Hmm...I guess you have a point: okay, let me go get it.
Mrs. Lopenzia leaves.
INT. -THE LOPENZIA’S GARAGE-DAY
The garage has many unopened boxes all around it. It is also very dirty and there are cobwebs everywhere. The hatch to the garage, which is in the middle of the garage, opens and Pomerian and Ricky, who is now wearing a hat with a question mark on it, climb into the garage. After they get into the garage, Ricky closes the door. They are on their hands and knees because the garage is a little crowded.
POMERIAN ERICKSON
Now, I wonder if there’s more dirt here that we could scratch up.
RICKY ERICKSON (SPEAKING LIKE A NORMAL, INTELLIGENT PERSON)
I don’t know, Pomerian, I think the trophy is enough evidence.
Pomerian looks at him weirdly.
RICKY ERICKSON (SPEAKING LIKE A STEREOTYPICAL GAY MAN) (CONT’D)
You go, girlfriend!
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